Searching Light (Remus Lupin)

20: Amber Eyes

Amber's P.O.V.

On the morning of my sixteenth birthday, I feel nothing. I don't know why, but I feel absolutely nothing. Not in a numb type of way, but in a lifeless type of way. I can barely bring myself to blink.

Eventually, I get out of bed and look in the mirror in the bathroom. I am surprised by the way I look; I can't remember the last time I really observed myself in the mirror. I had thinned, a lot, probably from lack of eating. My eyes look hollow and my face looks longer and slimmer. My hair has somehow straightened, and hangs around my breasts like a sheet. I look like a dead body; a living, breathing dead body. Not quite a zombie, but sort of a happy medium, the process of becoming a zombie, I suppose.

I notice a letter on the doorknob of my room when I walk out of the bathroom, and open it with curiosity. It said my name in fancy script on the cover, and with a shoot of energy, I think that it could be from Remus, and think for a moment about what it could say. At that moment I recognized the possibility that he could be asking me to meet him, or that he hated me. At that thought, I immediately set the letter down. Then I tell myself to stop being a baby and to just open it.

Amber,

I recognize and appreciate that today, January 21st, 1976, is your sixteenth birthday. In this note, I am asking you politely to come to my office at 8 am to receive my gift and other things I think you could use. If you are not there by 8:30, I regret that I will be forced find you and give you my gift wherever you are, with some hostility that you did not follow my instructions. The password to the gargoyle is strawberry fizzle gumdrop.

Professor Albus Dumbledore

*****

When I get to the gargoyle of Professor Dumbledore's office, after avoiding everyone in the school, I almost don't go in. I don't really know why, because I know I have to talk to him no matter what because he would come find me. I suppose I'm nervous because I've been skipping all my classes and been shady and stuff.

I told myself to stop acting scared and childish and to just face it. Nothing matters anymore, anyway. I have absolutely nothing to lose. Nothing.

"Strawberry fizzle gumdrop," I say to the gargoyle, and the great stone beast shifts out of the way, revealing a staircase. I climb up, and knock thrice on the door before I could hesitate.

"Enter," says a quiet, weak voice within the room. I push open the door and find Dumbledore, sitting at his desk, his quill scratching away on parchment. He sits with his hands folded and smiles at me. "Ms. Diamanté. It's nice to see you again. Please sit down."

I bite my lip, and walk over to the chair in front of his desk. It was in this chair my heart broke and my life crashed before my eyes. It was also in this chair I realized that all of it was my fault.

"If you don't mind, Professor, I'd prefer to stand," I squeak. My voice is higher than it is in my head, and it cracks at the word stand. I can feel my cheeks redden with embarrassment.

"Suit yourself, Amber. Happy birthday. I have something to give you," he says, and unfolds his hands, opening a drawer behind his desk, and pulls out a medium sized, rectangular brown box with a blue ribbon. He puts in at the front of the desk, closest to me.

"Professor, you really didn't have to give me anything..." I trail off and he chuckles.

"Just open it."

And I do, slowly, and pull out a framed photograph. The photo contains my mother, holding a small child in her arms, my father, and a golden retriever. It must have been taken years and years ago; the child didn't seem to be able to walk yet, and had messy brown hair and a big smile. My mother and father are smiling hugely, my father appearing to be laughing hysterically. The frame is lined with gold and red, with a little hook on the back to hang on a wall. My heart breaks.