Chris & Eva - Is it desire or is it love?

19.

It was the next day, after school and Eva was at Noora's place. They were watching some kind of educational documentary about feminism which Noora had forced onto her. Eva only understood about half of what the woman on the tv was talking about but if it made her friend happy that she watched it with her then why not. Also they had to finish a project for their social studies course and since Eva didn't really feel like doing it, procrastinating was the best choice.

Then Eva remembered that she wanted to ask Noora something about her relationship with William.

"Noora, I got a question about William." Her friend looked at her in surprise.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Back then when he was still with the Penetrators, he was such a fuckboy. I mean, he treated Vilde like she was unworthy of his attention and he even was extra towards you. So why did you fall in love with him? How was that even possible?"

Noora narrowed her eyes and seemed to think about the question for a second. Then she answered: "Even though he acted all tough and reserved towards people and was walking around like he was better then everyone, I knew that there was something about him that was loveable. I know that sounds cheesy but whenever I looked at him, into his eyes, I could see the good in him. And he proved to me that he is really capable of feelings, of being in a relationship with someone that challenges him every day. Because believe me, it's not easy, we fight a lot. But I love him so much that I miss him the second he is gone, even if we faught I immediately can't stop thinking about him. Can you understand what I'm trying to say?"

Eva knew exactly what Noora was talking about... She kind of felt like she was able to relate but not regarding her relationship with Jonas, more with Chris which made her anxious. There couldn't be a part of her that wanted more than kind of a friendship with benefits. And they didn't even really benefit from each other in a sexual way, more like having fun on friendship terms. Nah, she was just paranoid.

"Yeah, kinda but I think it was different with Jonas. I mean he was not really a fuckboy, more like a weirdo that loves weed." Noora and her laughed in sync. 

After a moment of silence, Noora asked carefully: "And what about Chris? Are you sure that your relationship is without deeper feelings? I remind you, he started fighting Jonas."

Eva wanted to answer "Yes, I'm sure." right away because that was the truth, wasn't it? But instead she hesitated and Noora noticed that, raising one eyebrow at her. 
So she quickly said: "Uhm, yes. It's just a friendship."

Noora nodded but Eva could sense that she was suspicious. "Okay, then don't stress out because of him. He's literally still the fuckboy he has always been, remember he loves drama."

A question popped up in Eva's head: 'Is he really still that bad though?' If she was honest she wanted to say 'Yes, of course he is. It's all a game to prove once again that he is the master at his game.' but she couldn't...

Still she replied with a "I know, I won't."

"And why did you kiss Jonas? I can't imagine you still have feelings for him."

"I don't know why I kissed him, I felt nothing honestly. I mean he still means something to me but I guess we fucked up our relationship so badly that I could never and do never want to go back to him. I believe I deserve better, does that sound egoistic?"

Noora shook her head and put one hand on Eva's shoulder, gently patting it.
"Eva, you do deserve someone who treats you with respect and shows you what an amazing girl you are. But at the same time he has to understand that you are independent and strong on your own and if he can't do that then fuck him. In my eyes that's exactly why you and Jonas broke up."

While noora listed a those things Eva noticed how one name appeared in her head with every following aspect. Christoffer Schistad.
She was so confused, why the hell did she always think of the biggest fuckboy alive who was probably never going to have feelings for her let alone love her? And she herself didn't love him either so why couldn't she stop thinking about him... Maybe she mistook attraction for having feelings? Eva shook her head to get rid of all those thoughts that made her feel dizzy in her head.

"You know what? I love you, Noora. Who needs boys when you got a friend that's like a sister to you." Noora laughed and added "Yeah, fuck boys! By the way I think we should really start working on the presentation..."

Right, Eva had almost forgotten about that.
"Okay, I guess we have to."

                     

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