In Your Dreams // phan

f o u r t e e n

"Race ya to the moor."

"Oh, it's on."

I watched as a young Phil and a blonde boy of around the same age pedalled their bikes furiously along the quiet country road. The two of them were laughing but neither of them were talking. They were breathing too heavily to talk. The laughter, however, slipped out involuntarily.

Once again my eyes were drawn to Phil. I think I'd be able to recognise Phil at any age. His blue eyes and his kind smile were a dead giveaway.

His smile at that moment was wide and carefree. There was a small gap in his grin where he'd obviously lost a tooth and the adult one hadn't come through yet, but that was the only difference to the smile he wore now.

When the two boys reached the outskirts of the moor, the blonde one arriving only a few seconds before Phil, they brought their bikes to a standstill and leaned heavily on the handlebars while they caught their breath.

"Hah!" exclaimed the blonde boy after a few moments as he triumphantly fist pumped the air.

Phil pouted. "You cheated," he said in a jokingly accusatory tone.

"How could I have cheated?" the other boy laughed.

Phil crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know. But you did," he said still frowning, but the hint of a smile played at the corner of his lips. The blonde boy laughed and got off of his bike, Phil following suit.

They walked their bikes down the overgrown hillside as it was much too dangerous to ride down. The sky was a uniform grey colour, which only made the grass look that much greener. The ground was considerably damp and spongy and the smell of rain lingered in the air.

Phil glanced up at the sky and creased his eyebrows. "Do you think we'll get rained on?"

"Probably."

"Should we be heading back, do you think?" Phil asked hesitantly.

"There's nothing wrong with a little rain. What are you worried about?"

Phil shrugged. "Nothing. I just don't think my parents would be too pleased if I came back with a cold."

The other boy snorted. "Tell you what, if it does rain we'll switch jackets. Mine's waterproof."

"Adam, don't be silly. Then you'd get sick."

"Yeah, but I don't have parents that would care," the boy, Adam, said as he kicked a pebble out of his path. I wondered what the situation was with his parents, but Phil already seemed to know so it wasn't explained. "You're lucky."

Young Phil didn't reply. It looked as if he didn't know how so he just nodded sadly. "I hope that when I find my soulmate," Adam began, "she'll be healthy. And she won't leave right after I meet her." He stared bitterly down at the ground.

There was a bit of an awkward pause afterwards; the mood having dropped considerably. Until Phil managed to pick it back up again. "I hope when I find my soulmate, they'll share my love of Buffy," he said, grinning cheekily with his tongue poking out the side.

Adam laughed and rolled his eyes. "What if your soulmate actually was Buffy?"

"That's impossible. Buffy's a character. But Sarah Michelle Gellar on the other hand..."

"She'll probably mistake you for a vampire, with skin that pale. You'd better watch out."

They both broke into giggles and started going back and forth between them saying what they hope their soulmate will be like.

"I hope they'll agree that cheese is gross," Phil said after a few rounds, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he did so.

"You keep saying they," Adam pointed out as the two of them jumped from stepping stone to stepping stone along the riverbed at the bottom of the hill. Their bikes lay abandoned by the side.

"And? I don't know if they'll be a girl or a boy," Phil said, making a daring leap onto a stone a sizeable distance away and almost losing his balance. He swung his arms wildly to keep from falling.

"Graceful," Adam snorted. "So you wouldn't mind if it was a boy?"

"Not at all," Phil answered immediately. "Would you?"

Adam shrugged. "I guess not. I just never really considered it."

Phil nodded. "I wouldn't care if he was a boy. And I wouldn't care if he likes cheese or has never seen Buffy or thinks that Final Fantasy IV is the best when it's clearly Final Fantasy VII," Phil said, though visibly cringing at the thought of it. "I know I'd love him anyway."

Adam looked like he was about to respond when Phil's clumsiness finally got the best of him. He slipped on the rock he'd just landed on and fell back into the water with a loud splash.

"Phil!" Adam quickly and skilfully hopped his way over to his friend who resurfaced, spluttering and wiping his sodden hair out of his face. "Are you okay?"

The water clearly wasn't very deep and the current not that strong as Phil easily stood back up again, seemingly fine. Just waist deep in water and completely drenched from head to toe.

"I suppose it doesn't matter if I get rained on now," Phil said, teeth chattering and a laugh escaping his lips. Adam laughed too, after seeing that he was alright, and offered Phil a hand to pull him out of the water.

And that's when I woke up.

I could get used to this. Phil's memories were so lovely and they left me feeling happy and peaceful; emotions that I so rarely woke up with.

Young Phil's words echoed through my brain: I know I'd love him anyway. Although he was talking about trivial things, a part of me hoped that maybe, just maybe, it extended beyond that.

His soulmate was a socially inept, anxiety ridden mess who had doomed him to a life of nightmares.

Could he love me anyway?