In Your Dreams // phan

f o r t y f i v e

The principal called Dan's name, and a smile blossomed on my face. I felt so proud to think that I had helped him to this, that I studied with him into the late hours of the night, made him take breaks when he was seconds away from tearing his hair out, leading him here.

Studying Dan meant touchy, kissy Dan, sentimental Dan, wanting-to-get-a-place-together Dan, which made me so, so happy. I wasn't expecting school to end so soon but it did, cap and gown donned and congratulations texts sent around. I had called Dan this morning at five am, unable to sleep with the thought of graduating. He had answered immediately, proving he was just as nervous as I was.

The thing was, he psyched himself out, saying he's not going to graduate, saying it would be the most embarrassing thing to show up in a gown and stay seated in the crowd while everyone he knew and loved walked up onto the stage, accepting their diplomas, swinging their tassels to the other side of their caps and all eyes were on him, whispers circulating the audience.

Dan was one of the hardest workers I knew, which made the whole thing even more ridiculous. But I couldn't say that to him. I had to let him talk it out and I listened, chuckling every once and awhile when he said something especially out-of-the-blue, and he'd whine and say that I was making fun of him, and I'd say no, no, go on, and he would. And once he spilled his guts he started crying, and I shushed him, softly, and explained to him the way I wouldn't go up unless he did, unless he accepted his diploma while the principal called all the "H"s, and he whispered thank you, and I was at his house, ready to pick him up.

He got into my car this morning, trembling, biting his lower lip harshly. I leaned in to kiss him, pulling his lip away with my own teeth, making him sigh as I mumbled a congratulations to the high-school graduate.

He walked up onto the stage, surrounded by a spatter of applause and cheering and hollering from me, and he glanced my way, flashing his ring at me, and I flashed mine back, and he smiled. The principal shook his hand and pressed the scroll into his grip, mumbling something that made Dan smile even wider and nod. Then he took the tassel stuck to the top of his cap and pushed it to the other side. He glanced my way, and I mouthed "I'm so proud of you."

A few more names passed, lost on my ears as my eyes were stuck on Dan, the way he fiddled with the string around his diploma, the way he chewed on his lip as if trying to pull his smile away, the way he looked so damn good in blue, the way he kept glancing over at me and blushing, looking away, and I'd just grin.

But then the principal called "Phil Lester", and I looked up, for a second forgetting that was my name. I suddenly understood the way Dan was so nervous as I stood, walking to the stage, feeling as though the way was lengthening, but I locked eyes with Dan and he gave me a small thumbs up, and I smiled.

Mr. Bailey shook my hand and handed me my diploma.

"Congratulations," he mumbled. I grinned.

"Thank you,"

"You're a good soul mate, Phil. Don't forget that." He turned away and I chuckled, moving my tassel to the right. Graduated.

My mother hugged me, tightly, as I came to her, talking to Dan's parents. Dan was beside me, but his hand was pulled away from mine as his parents enveloped him in a hug, having sat through the entire ceremony, speeches, each student seemingly taking longer than the last. But it had finally finished, and there we stood, looking to our parents newly graduated.

"I'm so, so proud of you," My mother whispered, tightening her grip on me even more. This morning, I didn't think she was coming. But here she was, wearing clean clothes, hair brushed, eyes bright. I was so happy to see her, and she knew, and didn't let me go after I asked her to.