In Your Dreams // phan

f o r t y f o u r

"Daaaaan," Phil whined, nuzzling his head into my neck. "Can't you have one quick break?"

I tried to ignore the butterflies that erupted in my stomach at the contact, as well as the part of me that really, really, wanted to take that break. With difficulty I swallowed the desire and shook my head to clear the wandering thoughts. "No. Not with exams right around the corner."

"Pleeease," Phil murmured, in between kissing every inch of exposed skin, from my jawline to the base of my throat. It made it difficult to see my work with Phil's head in the way. And it made it difficult to even think about my work with Phil's mouth in the way. "Half an hour?"

"Phil!" I laughed, half-heartedly attempting to nudge him off of me.

"Ten minutes?"

"Stop it! I'm being serious."

"But you're so smart. And you've been working so hard. Surely you can afford to take one teeny tiny break?" Phil asked, pulling away to give me puppy dog eyes instead. I shook my head and he pouted. "For me?"

I sighed, my resolve nearly crumbling. "When we graduate," I began to say, silently proud of myself for the way my brain automatically said we instead of you, "you can have me for as long as you like. My complete and undivided attention, I promise."

Phil thought about that for a moment. "Can I have you forever?"

I leaned in to press a quick peck to his cheek. "And always."

"Everyday?"

"Every hour of everyday. I'm all yours."

Phil seemed content with that answer. He nodded and with a small smile he returned to his own spot on the floor next to my bed. "I can't wait."

"Neither can I." I paused before saying the next part, because it wasn't a very me thing to say. It was more of a Phil thing to say. But I was thinking it, so why shouldn't I say it? "I want to get a place together as soon as we graduate."

Phil looked surprised; I rarely ever made such bold proclamations regarding our future and our lives together. But the thing is, none of it scared me anymore. Nothing much scared me anymore as a matter of fact. Phil made me braver. He made me calmer. He made the anxiety bearable and my fears conquerable.

He was my everything and I his. It took a long time for me to comprehend that, but when I finally did it was the greatest feeling in the world. To love and to be loved in return. It was simple in principle but wondrous in practice.

"You do? Are we talking about some distant point in the unforeseeable future? Or like immediately after we graduate?" Phil asked, grinning from ear to ear. He'd be happy with either answer; I knew he would. He was just pleased to receive confirmation that it was going to happen at all.

I pretended to ponder my answer though I really didn't have to. I knew what I wanted. "Immediately after we graduate," I said with certainty.

"Right after we symbolically toss our caps in the air and break out into song and dance like High School Musical?"

I looped my arms around his neck and smirked. "Screw the musical number. The second we get those diplomas in our hands we make a run for it, okay?"

"Where to?" Phil asked.

"Wherever you like," I whispered in his ear and I felt the shiver that ran through him. I truly didn't mind where we went after we graduated, as long I could be by his side. As long as I could go to sleep every night with his arms wrapped around me, and wake up every morning and have his face be the first thing my eyes lock onto.

I wanted us to lay in bed together and sleepily tell the other one about the dream that we had; good or bad, it didn't matter either way. Because waking up next to Phil, my soulmate and the love of my life, was always a good thing. A wonderful experience powerful enough to dull any nightmare that came our way.

I leaned in to peck him on the lips this time, allowing myself to linger for a fraction of a second. Phil leaned in further as I started to pull away, his hand coming up to stop me from moving back anymore.

I smirked into the kiss, parting my lips slightly to grant him access. I could allow myself a few more seconds. I had indeed been working incredibly hard, so I deserved a little reward. Thirty more seconds perhaps. Or a minute, maybe. But that's it. No more. No.

"Okay," I said in barely more than a breathy whisper, "maybe I can spare like... five minutes."

I moaned as Phil eagerly pulled me onto his lap, hands running along my thighs as he did. He frantically pulled my shirt over my head and with nimble fingers started unbuttoning his own.

"No time to lose then. Let's make every second count." He sounded flustered and out of breath and I loved that I could do that to him. That I had that power over him, that no one else could wield the way I could.

In our frenzy we paused only briefly to rest our foreheads together while we caught our breath. Phil hands cupped the sides of my face, the pads of his thumbs softly tracing along my cheekbones.  "I love you," he mumbled.

I believed him whenever he said that now. I believed him without question. The ring on my finger reminded me of the truthfulness of those three words whenever they escaped his lips. Which was often. Almost as frequently as they left my own.

"I love you, too."