Saved Myself {Riarkle}

Chapter 9

I sat there on the railing of a somewhat abandoned bridge, overlooking a river.

This is where I used to go when Maya and I had fights, but I stopped in middle school because my family kept getting worried. Right now, I couldn't care less if my family is worried. I know that it's not really fair of me to be mad, but can you blame me? Everything I've ever known is changing.

I'm not depressed or suicidal because I think I would know if I am. I just don't want to be here right now. I want to just make everyone and everything stop. I want to make it all go away.

I stand on top of the railing and look out at the world.

In the distance you can see all the lights. All the different home with people coming home after a long day and being happy.

Why can't I be them?

"Riley!" a voice shouts to me from behind.

They're all there.

Maya, Farkle, Lucas, and Zay.

My parents probably asked them to go look for me. They probably don't even know about my fight with Maya. I guess I can't be mad since I wouldn't tell them.

I carefully turn and hold onto a metal support beam. "Why are you guys here?"

Farkle steps forward angrily. "Because it's one in the fucking morning and everyone's worried about you!"

"Don't fucking yell at me!" I say back with an eye roll. "Calm down. I didn't ask any of you to come and look for me."

"You didn't have to," Zay says trying to diffuse the situation. "Friends look out for each other."

"Well we aren't friends," I snap. "Not one of you gets to stand that and say that you're my friend. Two of you barely know me, one of you kept something very important from me, and the guy I thought I could trust the most turns out to me the one that broke me the most. Don't you dare stand there and patronize me!"

The guys all look away, but Maya doesn't back down.

"Look at you!"the short blonde screeches. "You aren't you anymore. You are acting like a completely different person. You're not the Riley I grew up with."

"And thank god for that! The old Riley was a fucking doormat. She didn't have a say in anything. She just let everyone else be happy and I'm tired of thinking about her. I want her gone."

I turn back around and stare at the water.

I'm not sick in the mind or depressed.

I'm fine.

But I don't want this.

I'm tired.

"Okay. You're right," Farkle tells me calmly. "She's gone. Just come on down so that we can take you home."

A numbness seems to overcome me.

His words have little affect on me.

I'm okay.

I just don't want this.

I've just made things worse.

I'm a burden.

Not even my parents want me.

"Riles, come on. It's cold and you're going to get sick," Lucas tries to reason.

"Lets go. Please," Maya calls sounding calmer.

I turn and look at all of them.

"I'm sorry."

They stare at me confused. They're still in the middle of the bridge waiting for me to come down.

"For what?" my former best friend.

"Everything," I mumble just above the wind. "Especially this."

I close my eyes and lean back letting the wind take me.

I hear their shouts and cries for me to stop, but it's too late.

I'm okay.

I'm perfectly fine.

I'm not sad.

I'm not sick in the head.

I just think they deserve better than this.

Than me.

Here's for them.

Goodbye.