Saved Myself {Riarkle}

Chapter 17

I was going to go and bond with Maya and the other two guys today, but the boys have conditioning and I thought it would still be a little weird with just Maya and I.

So instead I'm with Farkle.

I called him and we decided to go to the park. Through everything he's been there, yet there's still a lot of things I haven't even thought to ask him about. Today is all about bonding. 

"But The Book Thief is so sad," I argue while eating my ice cream.

"Exactly," he laughs, "I love it because it makes you feel something."

I nod with a laugh. "Yeah, I guess that is a good point."

He nods and we finish our ice cream in silence. I think about how we first met and compare it it to where we are now. I love just being able to talk to him. I think back to our previous conversations and realize something.

"Minkus?"

"Yup," he says taking my trash from me.

"Before you told me that you knew what it was like to lose yourself. Is that even true?"

The boy adjusts himself on the next so that he can comfortably face me. "Of course it is. I wouldn't lie about something like that. I mean of course a big part of me starting to talk to you was out of guilt, but I did lose myself and I didn't want to see you go through the same thing."

I gently take his hand and look down avoiding eye contact. "May I ask what happened?"

"It was a combination of a lot of things," Farkle starts. "I mean people made fun of me for my name, knowledge, passion, even my fashion sense."

"But you dress so... cool."

He shakes his head with a laugh. "Not before. Before I... I use to wear turtlenecks that wouldn't even match the rest of my outfit."

I hold back a laugh trying to imagine him in anything but his classic black clothes and beanies.

Not possible.

"Anyways, I just was tired of being myself. I didn't have anyone to tell me that I shouldn't have to change, so that's what I did. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to do because the few friends I had I lost."

"Like who?"

"A girl named Isadora Smakle."

I choked on my spit.

Once I calm I look at him. "Like my science partner Isadora?"

He smirks. "You're not the only person to have a rough history with people."

"But I-"

"Of course you do," he cuts me off. "Everyone does. But yeah, I lost so many things and people that I'm not sure if is was worth it."

I look away. "Not even a little worth it?"

I feel his eyes burn into my side and he reaches for my hand. I turn to face him and I realize how close we are to each other.

"If I had to do this all over again to end up right where I am, right here with you at my side, I would do it all again. The parts where I hated myself and had no one to help me. The parts where I'd come home to an empty house or a screaming family. Even the parts when I'd..."

I try to look into his eyes, but he refuses to meet mine. My hand gently goes to his chin so that I can see him.

When his eyes reach mine they're filled with tears.

I pull him into a hug and he quietly cried into my shoulder. Neither of us say anything since we don't know what to say.

After a while he pulls away and I say softly, "I love you Farkle."

He pauses, as if he's surprised by what I said. "And I love you," he replies.

I wipe a tear from his cheek and smile. "You know, it's nice to see you actually have emotions."

"Whatever," he says jokingly. Farkle looks at his phone and checks the time. He sighs. "We should probably head back soon."

I nod and we stand to go. He goes off to the nearest trash can to get rid of our containers and we head to my house.

Right before we leave the trail of the park I turn and look at the sunset. It's nice to just appreciate the world every once and a while.

I look at Farkle and he's staring at me. I ask him what he's looking at.

Instead of replying he leans in and kisses me. I've never really been kissed before so this takes me completely by surprise. I can't even process what's happening before he pulls away.

He wraps his arms around my waist and I put mine around his neck. With my head on his shoulder we stay like that not wanting things to end.

He whispers, "I was thinking about how I wouldn't change my life, even if I could've gone without all that hatred and pain, if it meant that I would get to be here with you right now."

I smile and mumble, "Me too."