Saved Myself {Riarkle}

Chapter 18

I walk into my first period and know what I have to do.

I see her sitting down in the seat beside mine. Guilt crashes heavily down on me in waves. I know that I need to do it, but it's so much harder seeing her sitting there.

I take a big breath and set my bag down next to her.

Smakle turns to me and grins kindly. "I like your outfit."

I look down at my plain lavender long sleeve with dark blue jeans and white converse. I have a white knitted infinityscarf around my neck since fall is slowly turning to winter and the weather is getting colder.

"Thanks." I look away out of shame before saying, "Look, I'm really sorry for how I treated you before. Just because I was going through stuff didn't give me permission to treat you like crap."

She shakes her head. "It's okay. I know what it's like to go through stuff like that, so all is forgiven," Smakle says happily.

I furrow my eyebrows hoping that she's not talking about herself. "Have you been through stuff like this, because if so you can always talk to me."

"Oh," she shakes her head, "Not me personally, but I had a good friend that did, or maybe is. I'm not really sure."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know," I apologize. Then continue, "Not to pry, but are you and the friend still close?"

I'm only asking out of concern; not to just be a gossip or something like that.

She shakes her head with a sad look taking over her face. "I guess I wasn't there when I should've been."

The rest of the class slowly files in since the ten minute bell just rang. I see Farkle walk in with his usual get up, except he doesn't avoid eye contact with people. He happily gives high fives and starts small talk. I guess he isn't going to just be in the background anymore.

I can't help but smile at the happy sight.

"He seems happier," Smakle says causing me to look at her.

I nod. "Yeah. Farkle and I have been hanging out and it's done both of us good."

"I knew one day he'd find someone to be there for him like I never could," she quietly tells me.

My mind immediately does a total flip at her words. "Wait," I chip in, "Is Farkle the friend you were talking about?"

She looks at him and I do the same. He's talking to Charlie about something and they both laugh heartily.

"Yeah," she sighs. "When I found him hurting himself I didn't know what to do. I should've helped him, I just didn't know how. That's why I don't hate you for getting mad at me. If it helped you, even a bit, then it was worth it."

Tears prick my eyes at the thought of him hurting himself and I shake my head.

Farkle come over to us right then causing us to shut up.

"Hello Riles," he says while coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. I smile and turn to give him a kiss on the cheek before looking back to Isadora.

I made a mistake turning, even for a second since Minkus can read me like a book.

"Riley, are you okay?"

I look at Farkle and say, "Later." Then I change the subject completely. "Smakle, Farkle you guys now each other."

"Of course," Smakle says.

Farkle nods. "Hey Iz. Long time, huh?"

She shrugs. "I guess it doesn't feel that way to me. Not sure why, but it doesn't."

Farkle nods again and says, "If you ever want to hang out with us, like for lunch or outside of school, just let us know. It would be a lot of fun getting to know each other again."

I add, "Yeah. We could go shopping and I can help give you a bit of a fashion update, unless you don't want one then it's fine we can just go and shop for what you want."

She smiles at me. "Actually, change can be good. Maybe we can do it soon?"

Farkle and I say yes at the same time.

The bell rings and Farkle kisses my forehead before going to his seat.

I look at Smakle and she smiles. "You guys are cute together."

"Thanks," I blush just as class starts.

Class goes by slowly since it was just a lecture, but when it finally ends I grab my stuff and say bye to Smakle as I head to my second period.

I'm a few feet away from the science room when someone grabs my hand and drags me to the janitors closet.

Once inside I see it's Farkle.

I look at him like he's crazy and he says, "Sorry I just need make sure you're alright."

I fight back the tears that want to escape me and he immediately notices. He envelopes me in his arms and I don't protest.

"What's wrong?"

I debate if I should say knowing it could upset him too. I figure it's better to be honest than to lie because he'll just get more upset.

"Did you used to hurt yourself?"

He stiffens but he doesn't pull away. "Why were you prying into my life?"

"I wasn't," I explain. "Smakle and I were talking and it just came up. I didn't even know she was talking about you at first. I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything. I knew it would make you upset."

"Hey, hey. It's okay," he cuts in rubbing circles into my back. "I just choke up when I try to tell you, that's all. I'm not mad."

"Then let's not talk about it," I tell him.

"Let me say one thing," I nod, "I used to burn myself and it wasn't a good time for me. It was painful and left me many scars. I won't go down that road again."

I feel his tears on my shoulder so I lean back to look at him. His ocean eyes are filled to the brim with sadness.

I wipe his tear stained cheeks with my sleeves and kiss him to remind him I'm here. He kisses back with something I've never felt before this moment. Pure love mixed with something not so pure.

I pull away first and we're just a panting mess of a couple. I fix his beanie and I know what reason three is.

"Reason number three, school and everyone in it. They might mean well, but sometimes they make life a crap-ton harder that it needs to be."

Beanie just chuckles and we hold each other since we're going to miss second period anyways.