Saved Myself {Riarkle}

Chapter 12

I'm home now, but it's not the same.

My parents just baby me.

My brother tries to cheer me up.

My friends stay away.

My school thinks I'm problematic.

And I...

I'm pretty sure I'm just a train wreck.

I've messed up my whole life. I've always felt like it's been a little off course, but now I know it. Can't even get my suicide right.

I sigh and roll onto my other side.

I just got home from school today and now it's the weekend. Thank god because I'm not sure I can handle anymore weird looks from teachers and classmates.

I'm here and yeah I tried to die get over it.

Maybe they can't get over it because we aren't educated enough on mental illnesses. It's a big deal and so many are affected by it, but it just goes on unsaid. The topic that most people avoid.

Someone knocks on my window and I sit up to see Lucas and Zay. They barely talked to me before and practically ignore me now, so to say I'm a little surprised to see them is an understatement.

I go over and open the window for them.

They awkwardly crawl in and sit in the bay window.

"We wanted to check up on you," Lucas explains as I sit in the middle of them.

"But I'll see you guys at school. In fact, we were just sat school together today."

"We know," Zay cuts in, "But we need to talk to you without the rest of the school eavesdropping on our conversation."

I nod. "In that case, what's up?"

"We're sorry," they say in unison. Lucas continues, "And Maya feels really bad about everything."

It touches me that they want to make sure I knew the two of them and Maya are sorry. 

I kindly say, "I'm not mad or anything, but thank you for the apology. Maya and I will figure things out eventually. We just need sometime I think."

"What about you and Farkle?" Zay questions.

Looking down at my pajamas I shrug. "I don't really know. I thought he was different, might've even liked him, but he hurt me. At the hospital he couldn't even stand being in the hospital room with me. It might seem stupid, I just wanted him to be there."

"He feels awful. He's taking it on himself, like the blame and stuff. Farkle isn't really being the usual cool guy that wanders the school. Lately he's been in and out of the counselors office and hanging out in the classrooms," Lucas explains.

"Yeah," Zay adds for dramatic effect.

I look at both of them and shrug. "I just... I didn't want to do it, you know, live. It's not anyone's fault really. I guess I should talk to Farkle though to check up on him."

"It would mean a lot to him," Zay tells me.

I take a second to think. He did something awful to me, but we all make mistakes right? I mean I tried to kill myself and that was probably a big mistake. If I don't try to forgive him and make sure he's okay I'll never forgive myself.

"Okay I'll do it. I just need a little time to get myself together," I explain to the two guys.

"Good," Lucas says, "And Riley, we're always here for you."

Zay nods and I smile at them tell them thank you as we all get together for a hug.