Saved Myself {Riarkle}

Chapter 16

My mom walks in with a sad smile painted on her face.

"I know that after everything it might seem insensitive to still go through with moving out, but I just don't think it'll work out if I were to stay."

I finish putting on my waterproof mascara before turning to face her. "It's fine mom," I reply.

She shakes her head and gives me a small side hug. "It really isn't. Any other mother would insist on staying here."

"But you aren't leaving. At least not yet. You're just staying with Maya's family until things settle down," I remind her for what feels to be the thousandth time.

"I guess you're right," she agrees. "Just know that I'm here."

I stand and give her a big hug. "I know that now."

A tear escapes her eye and we try to keep ourselves composed as we go to the living room.

Auggie and my dad are there waiting for the goodbyes. My mom gives my dad a small hug and a peck on the cheek. August jumps into my moms arms whispering don't go just loud enough for me to hear. She sets him down and gives me a final hug and grabs her bags.

Us three stay by the couch as my mom walks to the front door. My mom turns and looks around with a sad smile and walks out closing the door behind her.

My little brother locks the door and gloomily trudges to his room.

I start to follow him when my dad puts an arm around my shoulder.

He mumbles, "I think he needs some alone time. We could all use that, unless either of you want to talk. Then I'm right here for you both."

I smile at him and nod. "Thanks dad."

"I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. Your mother and I... divorcing wasn't an easy decision, but it might be for the best. We haven't signed any papers because we're still trying to figure out what's best.

"Anyways, back to what I was saying, I should've been there for you through the chaos. I should've been there for both my kids, and I wasn't. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. I'm sorry for letting you down kiddo."

He sits down heavily on the couch. I immediately sit right beside him. For a moment I have no words because I have so much I want to say. I gather my thoughts and tell him what I need to.

"It's not entirely your fault, dad. I should've been more open with how I was feeling. I bottled it up. Maybe things would've been different if I had just opened myself up a bit and explained to you both how I was feeling. I don't know, maybe you and mom would be better if I had said something.

"But that's besides the point. My point is that none of us are to blame because we are all to blame. It's better to admit that we all could've done better than to lie that it wasn't any of our faults. We failed each other a bit, but we all failed together so we can all do better together too."

My dad nods happily at me. "You are really becoming a very wise young lady."

"I've learned about life from the best," I tell him going off to my brother.

Ignoring what my dad said about space I peak into the kid's room. He sees me and sits up in bed while wiping some tears away.

Auggie says, "I rather be alone right now."

"Okay," I reply staying near the door, "But if you want to talk I'm here."

He nods in response and I turn to go.

"I'm here too. If you ever need me, I'm going to be there."

"Thanks," I call over my shoulder.

I go to my room and sit in my bay window. I stay there thinking for awhile.

That's when I realize something.

Reaching over to grab my phone I call none other than Farkle Minkus.

"Hello?"

"I found my second reason, even though these are in no particular order."

He yawns. "It's almost midnight."

"I'm surprised you're not a night owl," I parry.

"Some people actually like to let our body rest and heal to prepare for what's to come next in life."

I snort and I hear him chuckle. "Even I didn't believe that," he says. "Anyways what's the next reason."

I stare at the stars and try to think about how to say this.

"My family. For a long while it felt picture perfect, but a fake kind of perfect. A plastic sort of real, if that makes any sense. I just felt like I couldn't talk to them about my real life shitty problems, so I built walls."

"I'm sorry Riles. That sounds pretty crappy," tired boy groggily replies.

I smile. "It's okay. Problems can be fixed through lots of things, and this problematic family is healing right now."

"Good," he pauses, "So why'd you call me?"

"To keep you posted," I guess.

"Okay," he said through another yawn. "You can always talk to me."

"Thanks. It means the world to me."

"You're welcome. Goodnight Goldheart."

"Night Beanie."

The line cuts out and I stare at me screen fading to black.

"I love you."