Spaces {Malum}

F̶I̶F̶T̶E̶E̶N̶

K guys hi really quick let's talk.

So I've realized that this story actually took like a big ass depressing turn 2 chapters ago and tbh that originally wasn't my intentions because like yeah there was supposed to be drama but not that much, you know? I realized that I actually didn't put a trigger warning at all, and for that I'm really sorry. Like really really sorry. I understand how a topic like that might impact people in a negative way and those weren't my intentions at all. Coming from someone who did used to self harm, I would get pretty uncomfortable when people would talk about it. Now I really don't care about the topic and I'm not triggered or impacted when it's written or spoken about, but other people might, and I want you to realize that I am here for you and if you need a person to talk to, my DMs are always open. If you wanna talk about anything, really. I'm always here :)

Alrighty let's get on with the story.

Also don't forget to check out if i shouted you out at the end of the chapter where my other author's note is :)

WARNING: This chapter contains some content that may be triggering to some readers.

Calum's POV

I stared at the razor in my hand and sighed as a tear slowly made its way down my flushed cheek.

I shouldn't be doing this. This is wrong.

I brought the razor down to my arm and pressed lightly into my skin, hissing at the pain. Bringing it up, I saw the indentation in my arm. The other cuts had already begun to scab, turning a very light pink color against my tan skin. I frowned, knowing that my mum would kill me if she saw me doing this.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps outside the music room and quickly moved to put the piece of metal inside my pocket. Surprisingly, Ashton burst through the doors with tears in his eyes. I stood up and watched as he ran to me. He tightly put his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. His breathing was quite jagged, as if he ran a mile.

"Whoa whoa whoa, Ashton, are you okay? What's going on?" My heart broke as I heard a loud sob escape from his mouth. I shushed him quietly and rubbed his back soothingly.

"It's okay, Ashton. It's okay, don't cry," I muttered, holding him closer. "What's wrong?"

"L-L-Luke s-said s-so-some-th-thing t-to m-me w-when h-he s-saw y-y-you," Ashton whispered into my shoulder. I frowned.

"Was it bad? Did he hurt you-"

"N-no! Luke wouldn't d-do th-that. I-It was s-something e-else."

"Mind telling me?"

Ashton took a deep breath and  tried to calm down his breathing. He pulled away and directly looked at Calum. "W-why're y-y-you w-wear-wearing th-that sw-sweater?"

I shrugged, knowing I was good enough of an actor to cover up my wrong doings. "I'm a little under the weather. I was cold this morning. It's not a big deal."

"L-Luke s-said y-you h-hated wear-wearing h-h-heav-vy swe-sweaters be-because y-you're c-c-c-claust-stroph-phob-bic. Y-you w-wouldn't b-be wearing th-that sweat-ter u-unless y-you were f-forced."

I visibly tensed, and that's when I knew that Ashton knew. Some how, he knew about what I did. Ashton frowned, and began to silently cry again.

"Ashton, please don't cry. Honestly, I'm fine." I put up a weak smile. Ashton shook his head.

"Y-you aren't f-f-fine, C-Calum. Y-you h-hurt y-yourself."

I was silent.

The fact that Ashton was actually crying because of something I did to myself was surprising yet reassuring. I thought that he hated me with all his guts. That's how he acted. That's how they all acted. I've been so depressed lately just because I lost all my friends. I mentally sighed when I realized just how important Michael, Luke, and Ashton are to me. I got sad because I lost them. Normally, I would definitely be sad over losing Luke, although I never really lost him. He always came back, even when we went through the most horrible fights. I never expected to be left. It was my fault, though. There was no one else to blame but me. They should hate me, but here's Ashton crying over me getting hurt. If Ashton still cares about me, does that mean they all care about me? Do they not hate me?

Ashton gently reached for my arm and pulled up my sleeve. He let out a choked sob as he saw the mess. To be honest, I would've cried too.

My arm was almost completely filled with jagged lines going across my skin. Some were redder than others while some were already pinking up into scars. It wasn't something I was proud of. I quite hate the fact that there's gonna be permanent scars on my body. All they'll do is remind me of my mistakes.

"C-Calum...p-please."

I was confused when Ashton completely pulled away from me and let out a shaky breath. He  sighed and lifted up his shirt slighty. He pulled down his high waisted skirt slightly, and I gasped.

Ashton's hips were full of huge white lines marked all the way up to his belly button down to his thigh. There were ones that were small and barely there, others that were long and seemed to almost spell out words, and some that looked thick, as if the cut was made deep into his porcelain skin. I could already feel fat tears pouring down my cheeks as I went in to hug him.

"Ashton, I'm so sorry."

"N-nothing t-to be s-sorry about. I-it was m-me a-and i-i was s-sad. B-but y-you ne-need t-to stop. Please," Ashton smiled sadly at me.

Ashton did something really weird next. He dug into his pocket and took out a pink sharpie. He grabbed my arm and immediately began to draw on it.

"Ash, what're you do-"

"Sshh!" Ashton shushed me, making me shut up immediately. I rolled my eyes playfully but let him do whatever he was doing.

After a couple minutes, Ashton smiled in satisfaction and stepped away. I looked at my arm to see tons of little butterflies with the names of my friends, mom, and sister on each and every one of my cuts.

"I-it's c-called th-the Butterf-fly Project," Ashton smiled. "C-cutting o-over it is l-like k-killing o-one of u-us. Y-you s-save u-us b-by not c-cutting." Ashton came over and gave me a hug again, swaying me back and forth gently. "P-please t-try n-not to d-do it again."

I smiled into Ashton's neck and nodded, appreciating the adorable gesture. I guess he really cared.

"I'll try not to. I promise."

*UNEDITED because I'm always too lazy sorry if there's drastic mistakes lololol*

Well that was depressing.

It'll get better soon though :)

(Maybe)

Honestly I don't like writing depressing stuff like I had no idea I was gonna write this type of thing. But I have most of my chapters planned out and I was in a really depressed stage while writing these few chapters and it was too late to replace them sooooo yeahhhhh

I know some of you may not have liked it and I encourage you to keep reading because this type of stuff is very rare the topic will probably be talked about only twice more again I'm sorry.

Buuuuutttttt

I HIT 3k YEYEYEYSYYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSEYEYEYYE

I love you guys so much this is amazing :)

SHOUTOUT to @/5SOS_Charlotte bc you literally spammed me with votes which was gladly appreciated ily :)

Alrighty then love you guys so much I hope your true love falls in love with you bc my true love will never feel the way I feel about her and it's heartbreaking by whatever haha :) okay love y'all bye

                       -Mani