For Love Or For Lust

Chapter 19: Ruined By Love(part1of2)

Dinger's POV:

I watched as Bam stepped out of the cart, and hoped that she wasn't mad at me. My throat was dry, and it felt like it had closed its self up on me. She walked over to me, and that's when I noticed the tears streaming from her eyes.

"Don't look at me like that", she snapped. I chuckled, but still didn't say anything, because I could tell that Bam needed to do the talking right now.

"You're different than what you let on to other people, still an ass yes. But your worth a lot more than what other people think............ and what I thought before I uh, I can't talk right now", she choked.

To my suprise she hugged me, real tight, it was literally the tightest hug I'd ever been given. Her face was burried in my chest, and my chin rested lightly on the top of her head.

"Why do you gotta do this to me for Dinger", she asked, still sobbing. That's when I started panicking, "hey don't be mad, I didn't mean for you to cry, I'm sorry really I am. I just wanted to surprise you that's all", I rambled.

And just like that Bam was done crying, "I'm not crying you dumb-dumb I'm-I'm, my eyes are just watering"! She pushed me off of her, and stormed off to the car. I sighed, and wondered if I'd made things awkward between us again, "I gotta stop being such a lady killer", I said.

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Silence filled the car as I drove back to Whiterose, not even the radio was on. We were about twenty minutes from my house, when Bam finally spoke. "Oh, you rember that time you asked me what my favorite color was"?

I turned my head to see her looking down at her hands. "Yeah I remember", I muttered, taking a sharp left turn. No wonder I don't have a License To Drive, I thought. "Well I was lying about the orange sunrise thing, it's still a nice color though", she added quickly.

I started laughing, "you still didn't say it", I reminded her. She flung her head back and groaned dramatically. "Yeah and I'm not going to either, so forget about it okay"!

"Consider it forgotten", I yelled. I seriously don't know why she does this to me, she's confusing, in fact she's so confusing, that even I get confused. I mean one minute she's crying and hugging me, and then the next she's being well you know, difficult.

"Oh so now your yelling at me, that's fine, that's cool, no skin off my back. See if I care"!

"Trust me Bam I know you don't care, you don't care about anything except not feeling anything. Well guess what Bam, there's gonna be a day and a guy that's gonna come along, that's gonna ruin your little 'I don't feel feelings' shit! And then he's gonna ruin you, and you're gonna hate 'em for it, and you're gonna hate yourself", I yelled.

"Which doesn't make any since, because falling in love really isn't all that bad. But you wouldn't know because you don't wanna know. And that's sad because you never will know how it feels to be in love. Which means you'll never be able to love that one guy who comes along on that one day, and you'll screw up that one chance to feel. You know feel, that one thing that you hate doing, yet everybody does! Oh I'm sorry, I forgot that you don't feel anything", my voice only getting louder.

I was loosing control of my voice, my mind, my composure, my everything! "Tell me do you feel this", I shrieked, tapping her shoulder. She didn't say anything, "no, what about this"?

Poking her this time in her nonexistent chub. I kept this up, until she finally shouted, "don't touch me, don't you ever in your life touch me"! I put the car in park in my driveway.

"I'll touch you whenever I want, wherever I want", I spat. She jumped out of the car and tried to run home, but I was to fast for her. "Are you done, huh are you done? Because I swear we will stand out her all-night-long until you are"!

She tried to break her wrist free from my firm grasp, of course she failed miserably. Finally, she noticed that it was no use, she stilled, and looked anywhere around the street, but at me.

"I felt everything by the way, you know all those times that we almost kissed, I felt that to. So there you have it Dinger, I can feel! And ever since I came here Dinger, I've been waiting for that one guy that'll come along on that one day to make me feel. And you know what Dinger, I'm still waiting".

I let her wrists go and she walked away into the night, "I wonder if this is one of those times that Bam loved me".