F.E.A.R. Transmission 2: Trust

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We arrived in Tampa last night.  I walked out of the bus with Chris.  He was taking me over to the UO bus to talk to War, who had said he had important news for me.

“Hey, Carter,” War whispered as he hugged me.  His eyes were red and he had bags under them.

“War, what’s wrong?!” I asked, hugging him harder. 

“C-Carter,” he whispered.  “D-Dad didn’t die of a car crash.  That is what Pap and Mum wanted us to believe, but it wasn’t true.  They lied to all of us.  G-Gram sent his stuff that he left you and me to your apartment.” He started to cry.  “Along with his note for the two of us,” he whispered into my shoulder.

Note? How did Dad know he was going to be hit by that drunk driver and killed?

I hit me.  Dad committed suicide.  I held War and pulled him to the ground with me.  I held him in my lap as he sobbed some more.

“Carter,” Chris whispered.  He must have realized it, too.  Anthony came out and took War from me, letting me process it all. 

I stood up, my entire body shaking.

“Why does everyone that I ever loved end up killing themselves?! Is it me? Do I stress them out too much? Do I make them feel worthless? Why!? Why, Chris?! Why!? First I find out about my husband and then this?! FUCK! This! Everything I know has been a lie! FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE WRONG?!” I screamed.  Chris came over and caught me before I fell.  I forgot to take my meds this morning, so I just lie there, limp, in his arms until the feeling came back to my body.

“Kitty, I’m sorry, I don’t know.  I do know that it is NOT you.  Okay?” he asked as he pulled me to his body.  He was kneeling on the ground.  Eventually he sat Indian-style and pulled me in his lap.

“I’m sorry I snapped,” I whispered through the tears.

“You had a good reason to, so don’t be sorry,” he whispered to me. 

“I can’t believe this.  This week.  Oh my god I have lost so many this week,” I whispered as I buried my head in Chris’s chest.  First my children, then my husband, then I find out the truth about my father.  This week fucking sucked.

***

(CHRIS’S POV)

“Why does everyone that I ever loved end up killing themselves?! Is it me? Do I stress them out too much? Do I make them feel worthless? Why!? Why, Chris?! Why!? First I find out about my husband and then this?! FUCK! This! Everything I know has been a lie! FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE WRONG?!” Carter screamed, her entire body shaking in fury.  I was ready to catch her.  I knew she didn’t take her pills this morning and as worked up as she was getting, she was going to fall asleep soon. 

She started to fall, I caught her and kneeled on the ground, holding her.

“Kitty, I’m sorry, I don’t know.  I do know that it is NOT you.  Okay?” I asked as I pulled her into my lap, sitting Indian-style

“I’m sorry I snapped,” she whispered, tears staining her face.

“You had a good reason to, so don’t be sorry,” I whispered back. 

“I can’t believe this.  This week.  Oh my god I have lost so many this week,” she whispered and buried her head into my chest.  I felt so fucking bad.  This girl was strong, but not strong enough for all of this at once.

***

“Kitty,” I whispered after a while.

“Yeah?” she asked.

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