On Edge • Lauren/You

• S I X •

"Oh my god I feel so free." Hailee groaned as she left the bathrooms as she dried her hair with a random shirt from the stockroom.

"Right?! Gosh I almost feel normal again with these lights on." Ally smiled as she ate some freshly made deer meat made by Austin.

"Is anyone's phone on or what? I just need to see the date please." Lauren mumbled as she tried cutting her food up.

"Mine should be on in a few seconds." I informed her after swallowing my food and she made eye contact with me before looking away as she nodded.

"Thank you." She mumbled and I nodded not really knowing why she lowkey hated me.

"Mine is on!" Dinah yelled happily but we all shushed her out of habit.

"Oh sorry." She giggled and looked down at her phone which I caught a glimpse of.

"What date is it?!" Lauren and I quickly asked her and she looked at both of us.

"Uhm it's July third." Dinah said looking at me carefully knowing it was three days before her death anniversary.

I never realized how fast your mood could change and how hard it hit me because suddenly my eyes had a coat of tears while I looked down. Lauren looked at Normani and Ally with a clenched jaw. I bit my lip as I felt it quiver and I sniffled but covered it up with a cough.

"Uh I'll be right back I gotta check the oil on the bus." I cleared my throat standing up and the group nodded.

I took my gun and walked out the now wooden covered doors and made my way into the bus. When I closed the doors I sat down and looked at my hands emotionless. I went to speak but I couldn't I could barely open my mouth because if I did I was gonna burst.

I didn't like this. I hated crying it showed my weak side and I hated feeling this way. It's been almost a year and one little thing set me back and God I fucking hated it. I felt so pathetic but I wished for nothing more to have her in my arms again, I'd never let her go. Ever again.

"A year without you." I mumbled to myself shaking my head as I felt my tears start to spill.

"I would do anything to be with you again just to hold you in my arms like nothing ever happened. To be with my family again. I miss you guys so much." I cried lowly burying my head into my hands.

"A-And sometimes I wish I could just forget about you completely like nothing happened between us. I sometimes wish I didn't care and love you so much and I hate myself for it. I wish I didn't lose all of you guys in one night. God, why did you all have to leave me at the same time?" I cried and as I felt anger rise in me while I tightened my hand around my pistol.

"I didn't realize how much I took for granted. I wished I spent more time with you ma and I wished I could hear you tell me to wash the dishes one more time, dad. Just to hear your voices and tell me I have everything under control when in reality I don't. I should've played with Sofia more or helped Sinu and Alejandro more around the house. I wanna see your guys' smiles one more time and not in a dream or a faded picture." I groaned as I released my inner thoughts to nothing but air.

I sobbed into my hands but tried to be quiet as possible and soon enough I heard a quiet knock on the bus door. I sniffled to myself quickly trying to regather myself and stood up looking out the window to see Ally.