Chapter 34

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I wasn’t supposed to be this nervous. This wasn’t my first Award Show but I felt strangely anxious being in the big hall full of talented musicians. Camila’s presence was so foreign in this particular instance because I was so used to doing these things by myself; having a hand to hold while waiting for the presenters to announce the winners for the acclaimed prices, sparked my eagerness to win somehow. Some stupid part of my brain wanted to prove something to the woman I loved. I wanted her to proud of me and the music she had inspired. It wasn’t a secret that most of my songs were about the brown-eyed woman next to me. I wanted to win so she’d have more validation of us being special; of what I felt for her being special.

But my competition was tough. I was nominated four times: Favorite Pop/Rock Female Artist, Favorite Pop/Rock Album, Single of the Year and the most important category, Artist of the Year. I had won a few of the other categories over the last couple of years except for the last one. Even though I had been nominated, this was the only category I hadn’t succeeded in claiming a win. The other artists nominated with me were all outstanding and I wasn’t sure how I would even compare to them. My biggest completion according to the media was still Ariana. She was nominated for Single of the Year and Artist of the Year with me. Her other nominations were in the Soul/R&B genre.

I looked over to the admittedly beautiful singer who had outranked me several times in the past. My chances were slim and the fact we were both performing tonight, reinforced the notion of us “battling” each other. Refocusing on the stage, I tried calming my nerves and felt Camila gently squeezing my hand from time to time. One of the producers called me to get backstage. I had to get ready for my performance and left my seat quickly. Not before giving the light-haired woman next to me a little squeeze and smile myself. She told me I’d do great and I nodded gently. Performing for my fans was one thing but this was a whole other animal. The people watching on TV didn’t have to followers of mine; let alone the prestigious audience present in the hall.

The irony of the song I was performing was not lost on me. My newest single was about not caring for the more superficial things in life; like awards. And here I was; wanting to win a price so I could shove it Ariana’s face. I remembered what Camila had said about me not liking the older singer. Yes, we had a healthy competition going on but my dislike for her was grounded in something much more trivial than that. It was my jealousy. I had always thought Ariana was a threat to me when it came to Camila. Quickly shaking off all of my disturbing thoughts, I had to mentally prepare for my performance.

Taking the stage, I forgot everything around me and managed to pull off the rather quiet song with an important message. The audience seemed to like it and I received loud applause. I had just sung with no big show; just me and my guitarist, doing a very stripped down a cappella version to emphasize my voice and the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDZnS0wL-0g

“I gotta keep myself in check sometimes
Cause’ I tend to dream real big sometimes
The fancy outfits and the sparkly awards
My name in lights, the people lined up at the doors
But I gotta remember to take it one step at a time

[Chorus:]
People seem to think
That you’ll be happier, once you reach the top
You’ll have it all
But I’m living for right now
Cause what if tomorrow never comes
I’m not waiting, I’m not waiting
For the confetti to fall

I can’t just sit around and wait for my life to start
I can make a difference, put a little happiness in someone’s heart
The fancy cars, the glitter and the fame
It’s all nice, but it won’t be worth a thing
Love is bigger, so I’m a stand up for love, yeah

[Chorus:]
People seem to think
That you’ll be happier, once you reach the top
You’ll have it all
But I’m living for right now
Cause what if tomorrow never comes
I’m not waiting, I’m not waiting
For the confetti to fall

[Bridge:]
If there was a rope stretching up to the sky
With all of my dreams at the very top, so high
I get so caught up in everything around me, moving quickly
I forget to cherish every single moment I receive ohh
I forget about the climb, I just wanna get there
Don’t wanna wait in line, even though it’s so clear
That I’m called to use patience on this journey that I’m on
I know that I’ll come out alive and it’ll only make me strong
Oh oh, while everybody’s focused on the hype
Oh oh, oh oh… I’ll be wondering why we seem to think
You’ll be happier, once you reach the top
You’ll have it all
But I’m living for right now
Cause what if tomorrow never comes
I’m not waiting, I’m not waiting, no

[Chorus:]”

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