Some Hamiltrash Shit

XI. A Valentine's Day Special: Hamliza

[photo-Pinterest; triskacircuswheel.tumblr.com; Phillipa Soo (left) Lin-Manuel Miranda (right); "That Would Be Enough")
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  Sorry I actually missed Valentines Day, I had a shit ton of homework. So I'm making it up with a long chapter. Then shitposting! Tomorrow is a lot of shitposting.....

  Hamliza! My OTP! I have wanted to talk about America's OG OTP. Mostly because I get to fangirl and dissect my relationship goals. For real. So, grab your damn tissues, play some smexy music, and prepare for the feels.

  Okay, so let's start out with their original meeting. In history, they meet because he was stationed with Washington near Eliza's aunt's place (probably mansion) where she just so happened to be and she met him because him and Washington just so happened to go to this mansion (I presume) at times. Which, you can guess, is how most people meet. And in the play, well, I'll just quote a notable source (aka me): "......According to Eliza: Eliza is hanging out at this ball and shit, being the Saint she is, and then this dude walks in. And he is FUCKING HOT. She wants this dude. But, being the adorable piece of sunshine she is, she can't approach this dude, he's too cool, so, it's your basic white girl movie boy meeting plot. So she tells Angelica "I call dibs, he is mine. Help me sis, I have no idea what to do...". And Angelica is all like "I gotchu fam." So Eliza sees her sister run over and talk to this dude. And she is super nervous because "What if Angelica gets this dude I called dibs on, she'll break the sister code, the fuck!" And two-three minutes later while Eliza is stressing, this dude and Angelica walks over. They meet, exchange names and shit, and Angie leaves them to be. They probably dance or some shit, have some fun, exchange mailing addresses, and happily ever after.....".

(*at the time of writing this I was listening to "Sugar Sugar" and I had to take a break to jam for a bit*)

So, they met and they became fucking SMITTEN and head over heels in love with each other.

(*now more appropriately listening to "Uptown Girl"*)

Ironically, Eliza and Alexander's relationship seemed to be straight out of "Uptown Girl". Alexander is this genius, scrappy, 21 year old (historically, they met when he was 21, but in the production, he was 19) that came from the Caribbean and he's just fucked up all around. Meanwhile, Eliza is like this princess, high class society senator's daughter that radiates that of an angel. And she falls in love with him, and vice versa.
He basically meets this princess like woman, and she falls in love with him! She doesn't even know this boy, and she's like "THIS BOI IS MINE BITCHES!". Whereas Alexander is probably smitten out of his mind, we don't exactly know his take on the situation, but as it is shown and played out in the Broadway production, he is just as helpless as she is.
And their courtship was that of two words: RELATIONSHIP GOALS. They wrote letters to each other all the damn time! And they were flirty as hell, it was your shitty middle school relationship all over again. After that they got married and shit, blah blah blah.

But right after that, Eliza was going to have a child, Alexander's child. Their first child (if you don't know who that is, where have you been?). So after he fucked up by getting his "bestie-forvevsies" John Laurens to almost shoot my homeboy, General Charles Lee, he was sent home faster than my grandparents on the freeway (aka: super inhumanly fast).
After a while he is like "Fuck all of that shit, wait, there is a third Hamilton now?" And has a slight existential crisis, Eliza is like "Darling, calm your shit.".

(*I promise I don't do drugs, I'm just super tired right now*)

Skip a few years, a few more kids, and The Reynolds Pamphlet (my song and current turn up). Whatever in Alexander's mind that told him to write that shit decided Eliza wasn't actually existent or cared so......the fuck?!?!
But as we all know, after Hamilton additions 1,2, and 3, etc, we have the whole Reynolds situation, and historically, Eliza was pregnant with Hamilton addition number 6 (William).
So, Mr. Hamilton, while you were off dicking around, lovely Mrs. Hamilton was preparing to HAVE YOUR SIXTH DAMN CHILD!
So naturally, when Eliza figured that out, and Maria was probably getting shit, she was like "Oh fuck no." And she burned all the shit he wrote her, like EVERYTHING, and then had her child at her home-home, not her husband's house. Her old mansion.
Now, in the production, she stays with him (well, the house, but they also stay married) and in real life, it wasn't Phillip's death that brought them back together, it was Phillip contracting Typhus and the local doctor was like "I don't know what to do....". and so her, Phillip, and Hamilton Expansion Packs 2-6 go home. They eventually figure shit out, and all is well. And then.......