Lipstick Lullaby

Chapter Thirteen

MIGS

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach as I stared at the door where she left. Hazel just met Saskia. My heart pounded so hard and fast the moment I saw her walk into my office. I thought it would be the end of our relationship. I thought Hazel would find out about her. I didn't know what exactly to feel now that she was gone and I was left here with Hazel.

Kararating lang ni Hazel ng dumating si Saskia. She'd usually call me first before she drops by but this day, she didn't. That was so close.

"Migs..." Hazel called. I looked at her and I thought I saw something different on her face. She looked away from me as if looking at me could burn her. She turned her head back to me after a few moments and the emotion I saw was wiped off completely. She put on a smiling face and stood straight, immaculate and beaming. She was in her usual composed demeanor again, regal and poised like a queen.

I took in a deep breath because the squeeze in my heart was getting tighter. Hazel was the most uncomplicated woman I'd ever met. She was firmly in control of her emotions which was fine because I didn't like messy emotional scenes anyway. Our version of love was different from others. It wasn't all hearts and butterflies. It was mature, neat, and uncomplicated; just the way we both wanted it. I may not be the romantic type but I knew I love her and I never fail to remind her that.

At this moment, I wished she'd confront me. Gusto kong sabihin niya kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman niya. I wanted her to ask so that I could tell her everything. I wouldn't lie to her. I couldn't. Hazel was a smart woman. I knew she could sense something going on. I just wanted her to ask para magkaron ako ng lakas ng loob na sabihin sa kanya.

"White rice? You've always been health concious." She quietly said as she eyeballed the transparent plastic container filled with food.

I cleared my throat. "Minsan lang naman."

"I see..." She nodded her head and shrugged. "Hindi naman siguro masamang tumikim ng ibang pagkain paminsan-minsan."

"They, uh, cook good food. Gusto mong tikman?" I offered when i didn't know what else to say.

"No, thank you." She smiled but her eyes said otherwise. "Just enjoy it in moderation. Hindi maganda ang sobra."

"I'll keep that in mind." I swallowed pass a dry throat.

She looked straight into my eyes. "Migs, I know the past couple of months had been overwhelming for the two of us. Marriage is a huge commitment, I understand that and we both agreed to this. But if you're feeling trapped..." 

"Hazel, that's not how I feel."

"I love you and I don't want to put pressure on our relationship. I want to know this is what we both want. This is not going to work kung isa lang sa atin ang may gusto nito."

"Of course, I want this!" I immediately said. "There's nothing more I want in this world than to be your husband."

Her face softened and her hand reached up to touch my face. "That's all I ever want to hear from you, Migs. Mahal na mahal kita."

He pulled me to him and he bent his head down to give me a kiss on the lips. "You know I love you. I'll always do."

HAZEL

The woman was beautiful. I tried to convince myself that she was what she said she were. But something tells me she wasn't. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe planning this whole engagement and thinking of the life we'd have after marriage was just putting a toll on me. 

If I were honest, I was scared. There were alot of things going on in my head. A part of me tells me to trust him. Although we'd only been in a relationship for two years, I'd known him since college. He'd always been that charmingly eloquent and extremely astute guy. I hadn't met a single girl who had never had a crush on him in college. He was pretty introverted, he kept a small circle of friends. He dated here and there but kept most of his relationships private. We met at a party of a common friend and we were introduced to each other. We became friends, we kept in touch even when he was in Massachusetts where he attended graduate school for two years to get his master's degree. He came back, we still we remained friends but overtime, as we got to know each other more and more doon namin na realize na may nararamdaman na kami para sa isa't-isa.