Lipstick Lullaby

Chapter Twenty Four

MIGS
I didn't feel like I need to play a role when I'm with Saskia. I was only myself when I'm with her. For once, I wasn't using my brain to do all the decision-making. With her, I didn't have to live up to someone else's expectation. I was free from alarms, reminders, to-do lists, and rules. I was free even from myself. I lose control of myself when I'm around her. She uncovered parts of me I didn't even know ever existed.

"Siguro pag labas ng baby natin kasing kulit mo din noong bata ka pa." She laughed as we were walking.

"Palagi kong pinasasakit ang ulo ni Mama noon. Are you ready for that?" I let out a chuckle.

"Nakahanda na ang hanger." She said.

"Bakit hanger?" My brows furrowed, turning my head to her.

"Eh di ipapalo ko sa kanya." She simply said.

"Ipapalo? Yung hanger?" My eyes widened.

"OO! Laki kami sa palo 'no! Bakit ikaw hindi ka ba napapalo?"

"I get a slap on the hand from Mama if I do something really bad. Pero hanger?" I shook my head.

"Hay nako! Kami nga, nababali sa amin yung hanger pag galit na galit si Mammy sa amin."

"I don't want you to hit our child with a hanger."

"Pag makulit lang naman at kapag naiintindihan niya na yun. Kaya ang daming sutil na anak ng mga mayayaman kasi masyado kayong malambot. Lalaking walang takot sa mga magulang ang anak kung hindi didisplinahin." Naiiling na sabi niya.

"Kung kamay ang panggagamit mo, I won't have any problem with it. At saka sa kamay mo lang papaluin." I told her.

"Ang swerte talaga ni baby." She said with a low chuckle and caressed her belly. "Hindi pa siya napapanganak, mahal na mahal na siya ng daddy niya. Ako nga, alam mo gusto akong ipalaglag ng tatay kong briton noon."

"Kahit kailan hindi pumasok sa isip ko yan." I quietly said.

"Alam ko at nagpapasalamat ako sa'yo dahil pinanindigan mo ang batang dinadala ko at tinulungan mo pa ang pamilya ko." Her eyes lowered to her belly and she smiled.

We stopped mid-walk and turned to face her. Her eyes met mine and a gentle smile carved across her face. Saskia was beautiful. She was beautiful in a way no other woman I'd ever known was beautiful. She made me feel things I knew I shouldn't feel and it was frightening. I knew I love Hazel but at this moment, I wasn't so sure. I read somewhere that our memories change depending on the moment you're in each time you recall them. That our mind is constantly editing what happened. We couldn't hold on to things, not love, not even our own truths, because nothing in our mind is ever written just once.

I cupped her belly and just felt it while looking straight into her eyes. When I'm with her, I forget how terrified I am of everything wrong with my life. When I'm with her, everything just feels right.

"Fuck you!" I suddenly felt a strong hand shoving me away from Saskia until I was thrown to the ground. I looked up and saw Andrew, towering over me and looking down with eyes filled with fury.

"Hoy, don't fuck Migs! Sino ka ba, ha?" Saskia punched him on the arm.

"How could you do this to Hazel? How could you cheat on her?" He held me by my collar and lifted me up. "You have a beautiful fiancee who loves you. Ikakasal ka na!"

"I..." I couldn't find the right words to say and I didn't even know if I had any.

"Ano? Magsalita ka, you bastard!" His voice shook with despise.