Of Fairytales and Happy Endings

Chapter 37. Catrin's Plan.

Caring about the happiness of others, we find our own. ~ Plato.

Chapter 37.

Catrin's Plan.

Elwyn tried very hard to brush off his uncle's words. No one would miss him if he was gone. His life was a waste. He was a hideous monster. No one would love him. His only hope was what his title and his money could buy. Elwyn stood up and gazed out the window of his tower. He'd made himself prisoner here ever since his uncle had brought him back, more dead than alive. Slowly he went over to his chest and pulled out a small looking glass. He gazed at the reflection that stared back at him. The white mask was there more to hide the scars from himself than from anyone. He never had any proper visitors until recently.

Was it really a waste?

What good was he as an Earl?

He didn't even take care of his lands. His uncle would be so much better at it anyway. Iestyn was the one hope of Llys Gwyn now. He just needed to find a wife and produce a male child to inherit the castle and the land. Elwyn would never marry. Elwyn would never achieve anything.

Putting the looking glass away, Elwyn slowly went back to his seat and sat down heavily.

There was a knife in his table. It was always there, hidden in a special nook underneath the surface but one of the legs. That was so Raj would never find it and take it away.

Elwyn knew he shouldn't, but his hand slipped under the table and pulled out the knife. He gazed at it for a while before letting his fingers toy the instrument. How easy it would be.

A female hand suddenly covered it.

Elwyn looked up with a start and his eyes met the serious brown ones of Catrin Llewelyn. He took a deep breath. How dare she come without knocking? She slipped in here like a ghost and caught him at a horribly vulnerable moment. He could never forgive him that. There was some pride left in him, and he guarded it fiercely. Never, never ever did he ever want anyone to see him vulderable. Seeing him playing with an idea like this one. He wanted to just lash out at her, but she was ahead of him.

"Captain Fleets, Captain Fleets," she shook her head, her voice soft and sad. It wasn't so much reproach as a gentle chide.

He kept his face hard, but she knelt down and covered the hand grasping the knife with both of hers.

"Let it go, Captain. Please, sir, let it go. Don't go down that road, it is not yours to take. I know you are hurting, but you mustn't, oh how you mustn't."

She wasn't exactly pleading and she wasn't reprimending, it was hard to guess what she was doing. Her voice was so sweet, and sad, and caring. It was almost like the wind, the summer breeze that had blown through his tower when he had opened his window to it.

"What's the point, Miss Llewelyn?" He asked in a rather gruff tone. He was still upset that she had just barged in here like this.

"Yes, Captain, what is the point? Why end it? What good will it do?"

No one had ever placed the question like that before. It was always what good is your life, not what good will your death be.

Elwyn allowed himself to relax a bit. Getting angry wouldn't achieve anything. It wouldn't scare her away, that was for sure. Instead he took a calm tone and a simple question. "Miss Llewelyn," he asked. "Do you think my life is a waste?"

Catrin, still on her knees in front of him, held his gaze. "Not a waste," she replied. "Rather being wasted. I know it is not my place to judge, and I will not, but I will say that a life is never a waste while it lives. Kill yourself and I promise it will have been a waste, but not yet. Oh not yet! Captain Fleets, don't you realize that your death will impact others?"