Die For You (Mithross) DISCONTINUED

Chapter Nineteen

Loosen Up

 For the past few days, the only thing on my mind's been "Don't fuck up", as in, "Don't become the monster".

I don't show my face in public as often. I don't play as many rage-inducing games as I have before. I try talking as little as possible, all in fear of becoming too upset or angry and triggering the demon that ruined my life. I've been sitting alone in my room more often, just like I'm doing now.

In those few days, Adam had invited Ross and I over to record at the offices. He'd brought Mason with him, and I'd distanced myself from his son as much as I could. I bury my head in my hands. If I can't even trust myself around the kid who could never upset me, who could I feel content around?

As if on cue, the person I'm afraid of hurting the most knocks on my door. 

"Hey Max." My roommate says, his voice muffled behind the door. "Would you mind letting me in?"

"I'd.. rather you not." I decline. "Uh.. A few things have been on my mind for a bit. I just need a little time to think."

"Not that old excuse again.." Ross huffs. "I mean it should be a bit obvious that you've got stuff on your mind, but you've been saying that ever since.. since.." He struggles finding the right words, not wanting to say what he means straightforward. I snort, annoyed by it. It's not like I couldn't handle the truth. 

"Since I almost got Tim killed?" I snap. I could almost see him cringing behind the door. Immediately, guilt washes over me for both jumping on Tim and snapping at Ross. 

He was only trying to be nice.

"Sorry Ross.. I'm just a little on edge, that's all." I apologize. For an uncomfortable moment, silence hangs in the air, then I hear Ross' retreating footsteps. "You can come in." I add quickly. To me luck, he hears me and walks into my room. He sits on my bed, near me but not too close. He avoids my eyes.

"Hey, uh.." He starts awkwardly, "I've noticed that you've been kind of.. jumpy lately. I can understand why, but.." Ross fumbles for his words again. It seems he's done doing that, because he gets to the point and blurts it out pretty quickly.

"Max, just because you're a half demon now doesn't mean you should let that control your life!" 

I don't say anything, I only stare at him in mild surprise. "You shouldn't be scared of showing your face in public," he goes on, "I know you don't want to hurt anybody, and I appreciate that, but.. Me and Tim miss hanging out with you outside the apartment." A genuine longing in his expression makes it obvious he's not lying. 

"Well.. I'm just.. Really scared of hurting you, Tim, or anyone, like you said. If can't guarantee your safety, then I figured I shouldn't go out anymore. I'm afraid of losing my temper or getting very upset." I confess half-reluctantly, half-willingly.  

He gives me a concerned look. "Well-"