Christening Fun Bonus Chapter

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For all the times my son could have chosen to go to the toilet, he decided now just as I fastened the last button on his christening gown. It's a monstrosity. There was poo everywhere, and by everywhere I mean halfway up his back and front, covering his legs...I'll save you the details.

"Joshua!" I shouted, as George's face grew purple and the crease between his eyebrows warned me that he wasn't finished. "SOS in here!"

What did my mother feed him for breakfast?

Joshua jogged into the room, holding Megan who covered her face with her hand. I couldn't blame the kid. I was giving it my all not to gag on the spot.

"Sweet Mother of Joseph," Joshua said, his eyes zeroed in on our now giggling son.

"Yes, that's right," I stared down helplessly at George while he made grabbing hands towards his father.

"It's everywhere," he cried, putting Megan down when she pointed to the floor, gently guiding her back to me. "What did your mum feed him?"

I watched Megan waddle my way and collected her in my arms, tugging down her white dress. "My thoughts exactly, love. The gown is ruined."

"No," Joshua became determined, striding over to our son, pegging his nose with his fingers. "It's not ruined. We have thirty minutes to bath him, wash the gown and get to the church."

Megan covered her face with her hand and scrunched up her nose. "Baby."

I rearranged the headband keeping her dark curls at bay and nodded, "Yes, smelly baby."

Megan giggled. "Baby!"

Joshua stripped George down to his nappy and then got a towel from underneath the changing table to wrap him up. "How is Leo sleeping through the smell?"

I let Megan give me kisses on my cheek while speaking to him. "I don't have a clue. The place will need fumigating."

Joshua scooped George in his arms, moving his head from side to side as our son tried to bash his face with his baby fists. "Are you hitting me now? When I'm about to change your nappy?"

George closed his eyes and belly laughed, making some gurgling noises close to Joshua's nose. "Gah! Bah!"

"How are you this happy when your nappy is full of mess, huh?" Joshua said, walking out of the room.

I checked on Leo who slept in his cot and then took Megan and the dirty gown with me downstairs. I sat Megan in her high chair with some slices of banana, attaching a bib around her neck to shield the beautiful fabric and walked to the sink.

I kept the conversation going, learning from the health visitor that it was the best way to improve their speech. "Are you enjoying your banana, Megs?"

Megan stuck a piece in her mouth with wide eyes. "Yes."

I dumped a load of stain remover in the sink and filled it with tepid water. "Can you say banana, Megan?"

"Baby."

I submerged the dirty gown with the water and scrubbed until my hands went sore. "Banana," I prompt her.

"Baby."

Everything was a baby at the moment.

I gently shook my head with an encouraging smile. "Banana."

Megan started to bang her plastic bowl on the worktop. "Nana."

"Yes, sweetheart," I swelled with pride, the smile on my face full to the point of it hurting. "Who is mummy's smart girl?"

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