Shame

•Part 8•

James' PoV

I shut her door and stood there for a second. Okay, I'm officially scared. I don't want to hurt her but I can't help how I am and what I have been through. Truth is I was really hurt by a girl I used to have strong feelings for, like the ones I have for Suzie but she broke my heart. She got with my best friend in my first college before I moved.

Flashback

"Hey James, how's Sophie?" my best friend of 12 years asked me nudging my shoulder. My face turning beet red. Sophie was my girlfriend of coming up to two years and I can safety say I fell in head over heels for her within the space of a few months. She had short ginger hair with freckles covering her nose and cheeks with dull brown eyes. To me she was stunning but to everyone else she was just another loser girl.

"She's good thanks, do you still not have anyone?" I asked drinking a can of Pepsi as we walked down the hall.

"That's what I've been trying to talk to you about" he nervously scratched the back of his neck

"You've found someone?" I spoke, I couldn't be happier for my best friend that was until I found out who it was.

"Yeah, she said she wants to talk to you too. She won't be long" we stood in silence and anticipation as we waited for her to turn the corner.

"I hope she treats yo- oh hey soph you're just in time to meet Kyle's new girlfriend" I spoke wrapping my arm around her waist.

"James I am his girlfriend. I'm sorry, we didn't want this but were in love James. We can't help the way we feel and that's just that really." She sighed and held hands with Kyle.

"I'm so glad you're taking this so well James" she spoke smiling.

"Y-yeah" I spoke walking away and back to my room where the rage seeped through my calm demeanour and destroyed my accommodation

End of flashback

I sat in my room and decided upon taking a shower. Letting the cool water run down my aching muscles gave me time and room to think and breathe; As I began to speak out loud.

"I really do like Suzie but I just don't know what to do. I don't feel as though she likes me like that and I also feel as though tomorrow will come and she will ditch me as she's realised how much of a jerk I am. What if she's just using me and all this is revenge. What if I've never been good enough and she's never seen me that way. I must admit I was a bit teenage-ish in college with always wanting to do stuff and what not but she was just so intimidating. Now there's some innocent little Brit in my American Suzie and I don't know if I like it. I miss the old Suzie, the one that would drag me into a field and offer me a joint. The one that would openly admit to hating me instead of hiding in her shell. Something must've happened in England for her to have changed this much. It can't just all be me can it? What if she had someone in England and it didn't go well and doesn't want me to know?" I sighed at myself, thankfully my little rant was over but when I heard a slight feminine chuckle I peered my head around the corner to be met with piercing blue eyes.

"How long have you been standing there Suzie" I sighed running a hand through my hair and picking up my towel.

"Long enough. You left your phone in my room so I thought I'd bring it round for you" she shrugged and looked at the mess of a room I have.

"Your rooms so crappy" she laughed and stroked her hand across the dusty window.

"Genuinely thought that was a vent" I laughed as she laughed with me.

"About the shower thing, I tend to think out loud and overthink-"I was cut off mid-sentence

"Its fine James don't worry, we all overthink sometimes. But for the heads up I'm giving you one more chance and if it goes too fast ill cut it off there and then and I won't hesitate to either. There wasn't anything else I went to rehab and a detox then decided to join a spiritualist group and here I am today. It's a big change and even I'm not used to it yet" she sighed running a hand through my hair as I stepped closer to her.

"Why did you change your hair?" I asked running a hand through her short blonde locks.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway I best be getting back to my room." She smiled and began to walk to the door.

"Are you even tired" I asked her as she walked with a spring in her step.

"To be honest no, do you mind if I stay for a bit and we just watch some films in my room kind of scares me and this twig keeps hitting my window which is slowly driving me insane and this cat keeps finding its way into my room and I think they're rats and oh my god there was a massive spider and I mean massive like Australian spiders massive in the bath it fell out when I turned the tap on I shit you not I was up and out faster than a gazelle on an oiled floor" I watched her ramble on and laughed at her little story.

"Bang on the wall when there's a spider and I'll come and help you out. Australian spiders got nothing on me" I jokingly flexed causing her to laugh at my silliness. God her laugh was perfect

I-I think I'm falling in love again?

AN- I KNOW THIS CHAPTER IS SHIT BUT ITS JUST A FILLER! LY ALL 💗😅