Shame

•part 13•

Suzie's PoV

He couldn't see me but I could see him. I still love him after all this time but I needed to stick to the plan. I needed to do this for the sake of everyone else around him, but I couldn't help getting lost in his brown orbs of wonder. I watched his actions closely and what he does.

The repetitive action of snapping photographs caused my fingers to cramp up but at the end of the day this was my job and I needed to do this for them. The people who had taken me in when no one else gave a shit. The anger began to rise in me at the memory of his final words before I moved away. Clutching my gun I lined it up to his head. The temptation to pull the trigger and complete my mission was overwhelming me but I couldn't pull myself to do it as even though I can't stand the man, I couldn't help but love the way his eyes light up at the mention of me and his sweet dimples. Oh the dimples. Enough to make any girl buck at the knees. I looked down my scope and trembled as the cool metal moulded against the pad of my index finger. Moments passed by and I couldn't pull myself to pull the trigger to end it all. The year of suffering I went through, the revenge I could take upon him but my heart ached for his attention. Now here I am behind a gun debating everything in my poor life and if all this was worth it to be with or without him.

I sighed and removed my finger from the trigger. I let a tear slide down my cheek as I took in the fact that I had to kill the man I love within a month. I just couldn't face myself. The pain is unbearable. No matter how much he hurts me I could always forgive him. I've fallen in love again but he can't know...neither of them can.

Otis- baby, I miss that sexy little body of yours when can we meet again?

Me- I don't know, this is a long mission it might not be for another month.

Otis- okay baby save some of that sexy body for me OK? ;)

I mentally sighed to myself zipping up my duffel bag. Not even bothering to reply to him. He is a mega dick that I don't need right now. He wasn't like this when we started out, he loved me. Now he just loves my body.

Me- I can't do this any more Otis, I'm sorry.

Otis- It's him isn't it. I fucking knew this would happen. Look Suzie if you don't do this my dad will have to do it and you know what will happen then. So save your pretty little ass the hassle and take back what you said.

I took the SIM out of my phone and smashed it against the floor snapping it in two and throwing it in the bin.

That's when I got the feeling. The feeling where your stomach sinks the feeling where all you ever had planned has all come crashing down around you. Now you feel alone. Stranded even. In the world you once called home.

Throwing my duffel bag across my shoulder I mounted my motorbike and drove off towards Lake Vermont. The wind blowing through my hair as my wheel screeched to a standstill at the edge of the lake. The fresh breeze opening up my sense to a new feeling. One of tranquillity and peace.

I stripped out of my gear and threw it in the lake. Throwing my bike in with it. I also threw in the duffel bag. Watching as they floated away I day dreamt of the future I could now have. The one that includes James. I could finally show my love for him without feeling a pit of guilt in me. But we needed to run. But I can't tell him about any of this.

James- where are you I haven't seen you all day?

Me- I'm out running errands and ended up at a lake can you pick me up please?

James- of course I can baby where are you?

The way he calls me baby sends a pang of guilt through me. I mean for Christ sakes I had a gun to him less than an hour ago and now I'm planning to risk it all and run away with him.

Me- yeah I'm at Lake Vermont, hurry its cold :')

With that final text sent I threw my phone as far as I could and waited for my knight in shining armour to turn up.

The night drew on and there was still no sign of James. What if Otis got to him and killed him. Oh no this is all my fault.

I watched as car headlights shone against the water sending me into panic mode. Do I turn around or make a jump for it. The artificial light poured across the lake, the silhouette of me. The lost girl with no chance of finding herself again stood there blocking the light. Like I sucked everything bright out of the world into a pit of darkness. A pit of my own sorrow and misery as I watched the lights fade away sending the lake back into darkness.

A slither of moon stood proudly in the sky. I watched as the clouds danced among the stars, wrapping them in their misty atmosphere. The cool breeze whipping through the trees, As I watched the surroundings around me come to life. The trees roaring as the wind struck them, like a cry for pain when no one's around. The soft sound of the waves clapping against the mud bank of the lake, creating a naturalistic melody to my ears.

I felt a soft and smooth fabric slide over my shoulders and I knew exactly who it was. James Franco.

The camel coloured coat engulfed my shivering figure like a sheep gaining its coat again. I looked at the man I loved right beside me and smiled at him. His features radiating at me from the subtle glow of the summer moon.

"Ready?" he spoke, his voice raspy and hoarse.

"I sure am" I whispered entwining my hand with his and leaning against his arm.