Shame

•part 10•

James POV

I sat in anticipation as Suzie bit at her nails, a habit she has grown over the past year I assume.

"What the fuck was that Suzie? He could've hurt you?! Who is he?!" I couldn't help but raised my voice. Concern lacing my fragile tone.

"Well... he's my ex." She choked out. Green orbs welling up. I couldn't help but feel hurt at her words. I can't believe I'm the cause of all this.

"It all started when--"

*Flashback*

"Suzie can you make me a sandwich" I heard my boyfriend of 6 months shout at me.

"Babe I'm working." I shouted back. My eyes not leaving the pages in front of me as I scanned over the work I had done.

"You know what Suzie you're a failure excuse of a woman" he shouted. His tone lowering to that of one with rage.

"What did you just say to me" I asked hoping I heard wrong.

"You heard me. You're a fucking slag. Your existence is pointless. I'm only here for the sex and even then that barely happens and when it does your shit!" He spat walking into the room and looking dead in my eye.

"Then why the fuck are you here? Fuck off then" I spat back pushing past him only to get dragged back by his strong grasp.

"I'm here because you're popular. I'm popular. That's how it works. Oh wait I forgot you were so stupid you wouldn't know that." He spat pushing me away.

I stood there in shock.

"So this whole relationship was a fuck about to you?" I asked tears welling in my eyes. The familiar sting breaching my tear ducts.

"Y-you said you loved me" I choked out. Barely a whisper.

"Who the fuck could love you?! You're unlovable!"

His words pierced through my mind like a blade.

Maybe I am unlovable. Maybe I should just give up. Maybe this is why James left me too. Everyone leaves me.

"Now then hot stuff about that sandwich" he whispered in my ear trailing his hand down my back. That's all it took for me to break down into a million pieces. The pain and realisation of being used hit me like a ton of bricks.

The next day I did everything I could to avoid him. But it only made him worse and worse, Until it finally happened.

He hit me. All it took was a brisk slap across my face for my world to come crumbling down around me.

From this point onwards he got worse. He would occasionally hit me but it stayed at the name-calling. He would purposely go out of his way to embarrass and pick at my flaws when out with his friends.

So much so I got used to it. I began to agree with him and comply with his needs and wants even if I didn't want.

He was a mistake. A mistake that shouldn't have started. A mistake that didn't deserve a beginning or an end.

*end of flashback*

As I finished my story the last few tears slipped as I watch him. Observing my actions.

"How come you stood up to him then?" He spoke grasping my hand in his and stroking his thumb pad over my trembling knuckles.

"It's time I finally did. Seeing his smug face staring at me reminded me how much I despise the man. All I saw was red." I sighed and leaned onto him feeling a warm arm enclose around me like a thick haze engulfing a forest. For I was the forest and he was the haze. Clouding over my judgement and perception to a state where all I saw was him and his presence engulfing me and intoxicating me in such a way that he could control me by one glance.

I perched my head on his shoulder as we sat in silence. Sharing occasional glances at each other as he traced sweet nothings along my skin. Enveloping my body in a wave of goosebumps.

I turned my Face to him fully my legs draped over his as his hand found its way into my blonde locks.

Watching his chocolate orbs flicker between my eyes and my lips as his head etched closer to mine before our lips collided in an explosion. A tingle of heat trickling down my body before ending at my toes.

"I'll keep you safe" he whispered into my ear. Sending deep shivers down my spine. The words oozing from his mouth sounded like sweet tunes to my ears. Tracing his fingers down my arm and across my thighs making me Bury my head in the warm alcove of his neck.

I inhaled slightly and traced my hand over the tattoo on my leg.

"Shall we go to the beach?" I spoke tilting my head to stare into the chocolate eyes above me.

"And see you in a bikini? Yes please" he winked standing up.

"Just for that I'm wearing a surf suit" I winked at him and walked into my bedroom.

Moments later I walked out in a white bikini. Emphasising my toned stomach.

"James hurry up!" I shouted. Sliding on my flip-flops and oversized Arctic monkeys t-shirt. The black fabric hanging loosely around my thighs.

"I'm rea- woah" I looked up at him. His jaw swinging from Side to side at the sight in front of him.

His flattering gesture to some was also an insecurity to me. Immediately making me cover up.

"Is it bad" I spoke hanging my head trying to pull my top down a bit more.

His hands grazed mine as I looked up at him.

"You look stunning" he spoke. I felt my heart flutter.

I can't be falling for him again. Can I?

I shook off my thoughts and grabbed my keys.

"You might want to put some protective gear on" I spoke locking my door and walking downstairs.

"Why's that" he spoke. His feet halting at a stop in front of my ride.

"That's why" I giggled tossing him a helmet. He stared in awe at the black and red bike in front of him.

"I never took you as a motorbike girl" he smirked sliding the helmet on.

"Hunny I'm full of surprises" I spoke and roared my engine to life. Speeding off down to the beach.

This should be fun... I hope.