childhood blues | killua zoldyck

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「 If from this hill, you watch the sky while the sun is setting for 51 days, your love will be reciprocated. 」

Or as far as it goes, so does the myth say.

Being the delusional romantic and desperate girl you were, you believed it. After all, it would only make sense—who wouldn't try to do everything no matter how preposterous it seemed when you had fallen so many times?

However, the more sensible between the both of you, Killua, did not believe it one bit. It wasn't too far-fetched, considering he was quite the pessimist or "realist" as he calls it. If he didn't take the responsibility of keeping you as normal as you could, who (can) would?

But of course, making someone as... hyper as you is no easy task. You were far too naïve to not believe unrealistic beliefs, or as you would proclaim it, too desperate, yet he stayed oblivious to your true intentions and disregarded the hints of not being the person he made you out to be as "seeing things."

It was incredibly offensive, yes, but who could blame him when the child that used to cry over fallen ice cream would suddenly turn into a complex character?

Therefore, another day of you doing idiotic rituals is no different than any other days—he assumed it was for the exchange student from America, who was, admittedly, good-looking not (like he was gay or anything haha). It wouldn't be any surprise, really; anyone that was handsome would be on your check list.

Though it was a surprise to know he was wrong.

And no matter how unbelievable it sounds, you were confessing for him.

Now, having feelings for your best friend wouldn't be that shocking, considering the fact you already had been comfortable with them for a long time and had the same interests. But when you have feelings for a childhood friend, it would be a bit more... awkward.

See, friends from younger days is generally built from the same longing of having someone to play with. Activities, talking about cartoons, video games—they were common things children would want to do, correct?

However, when children grow up, their interests steer away from their previous amusement—activities turn to gadgets, cartoons turn to movies, and video games... well, maybe not video games.

But that's just one thing, isn't it? Majority of them had changed, and you had no reason to be friends anymore.

So when you stay friends, it'd be more distant in comparison to your new companions who you actually liked being with instead of only spending time with them for the sake of obligation. It's not in any way a pleasant feeling—it's awkward, miserable, forced, yet you don't break the relationship as it is 'rude.'

And your last option left was to slowly, ever so slowly... break away from them.

And you knew that instead of emptiness... all they felt was relief.

Yet it was a miracle that it never happened to you.

You found yourself beside him no matter the circumstances, the date, or the time. You found yourself unconsciously finding his figure every time you step outside of your house. You found yourself texting him at least ten times a day. You found yourself chatting with him the moment you wake up. You found yourself unable remember a single day without him.

You found yourself going further and further away from having a platonic relationship.

It was strange... it was odd... it was crazy. The idea of having feelings for someone you had always thought of like a brother was as surreal as you getting a perfect score on a math exam.

But it happened.

You had feelings for him and perfected a math exam with his help.

So when the two events that you never expected to occur actually did happen, him liking you back shouldn't be too far-fetched, right?

"By gathering these small pieces of courage over 51 days, please, let my feelings reach that sky...!"