The Cheerleader

20. Tell Me How You Feel.

Dr. Bederov

Czarina's POV :

I was up earlier than I normally do from eagerness to find out if what Doc said was true. I was feeling all kinds of emotions, happy, excitement, dread... you name it. I sighed and made a gross face. I needed to tend to my hygiene. I chuckled and placed my feet on the cold floor. I was about to get up when the door opened.

"Woah, what are you doing Czarina?" Doc asked, rushing over to me.

I swat at his hand that was trying to 'rescue' me and frowned, "I'm fine, I need to take a shower and brush my teeth."

He nodded, "okay, let me help you."

I rolled my eyes but allowed him to help me to the bathroom. My body was still a little weak and I didn't want to force anything hard on myself. Especially since I might be going home for good. When we made it to the bathroom, I waited for him to leave. But he just stood there.

"Um- a little privacy?" I frowned.

He nodded hastily, "I'm sorry, uh, I thought that..."

"What? That I needed help undressing? Why don't you go undress Dr.--" I quickly closed my mouth.

He didn't missed that, of course he didn't, "what?"

I shook my head, "never mind, get out please."

He eyed me, "let me know if you need my help, at all."

I barely nodded and locked the door when he left. I quickly took my shower and brushed my teeth and even tidied up my hair. When I looked in the mirror for the first time in a long time, I smiled to myself.

"Not bad.." I muttered.

I left the bathroom and changed out of that ridiculous hospital gown and threw on a soft shirt with some blue jeans. I pushed my feet into my flats and stood from the bed. I checked my phone for any unread messages, frowning when there were none. No new ones either.

That's weird, Carlos was supposed to call me or text me about when he was coming over. I sighed, maybe he got caught up at work or something important? I don't know. It was almost afternoon. As I was contemplating whether to call Carlos or not, my door opened.

"Oh, you're done." Doc said, walking in and closing the door behind him.

I sighed, "is there something else I should know, Doc?"

His slumped his shoulders, "I-"

Before he could get a word out, the door opened again and in walked the worse nightmare in the hospital. At least in my opinion.

"Doc, I was looking for you." Dr. Rami smiled as she barely glanced at me.

He looked uncomfortable, "yeah, I was just, uh about to tell Czarina what's to happen today."

I rolled my eyes, "can I have the other doctor please? The one Dr. rami insisted on me having?"

"Why?" Asked Doc.

Dr. Rami eyed him sideways and then looked over at me, "doesn't matter, I'll go get him."

She quickly left, probably happy to get me another person for the day, anyone other than Doc. I don't know what her problem was, but I couldn't care any less for Doc and who wanted him. She wouldn't see that.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Carlos's number. He picked up on the first ring, which was rare.

"Hey?" I smiled.

"Hey Z, happy birthday." He said with amusement.

I chuckled, "thanks Carlos, why isn't your butt here?"

"What?" He sounded confused, which made me confused.

"Well, I thought that you were coming to visit me?"

Doc looked extremely uncomfortable now and I gave him an unsure look. What's his problem?

"I was, but some guy said that you were busy and you can't have any visitors today." He said annoyed.

"What?" I was shocked.

"Yeah, I even texted you-- and called. Didn't you get my texts?" He asked oblivious to what had happened.

My eyes met Doc's with an empty glare, "no, I didn't get your texts."

Carlos whistled, "oh well, mustn't have gone through then. Sorry."

"Carlos, I'll call you right back." I hung up just as Rami walked in.

"I found him, but he's busy with another patient. You don't mind waiting do you?" She ranted.

I kept my gaze on Doc, as he did the same, "why didn't you tell me that Carlos called?"

I could see him swallow hard as he fingered with the button on his white, fancy coat. He shook his head and opened his mouth a few times but shut it. Rami looked confused and should be. In fact, she should just leave.

I turned to her, "you need to go."

She scoffed at me, but it was Doc who responded to her, "just go, this doesn't concern you."

She looked hurt and embarrassed and I didn't care. She brushed her skirt off and nodded once before leaving. Our eyes met simultaneously. I raised a brow to tell him I'm waiting on my answer.

He sat in the chair near my bed, "you want the truth?"

I peered up at him, "if not, then leave."

He nodded, "right. Well, he did called and texted you. I deleted the messages and call logs. Also, I told him that you were busy and that you can't have visitors."

I rolled my eyes, "I'd figured that much, but that doesn't answer my question."

He nodded, "right. I did it because....."

I stood and grabbed my phone, "fine, don't tell me then. It's not like I care."

He grabbed my hand and I whirled around and yanked it from him, "I did it because I'm still in love with you."

I held the hand he had touched, ignoring the fire that burned through it. I also avoided looking up into those eyes of his. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to block my feelings from him, but it was too hard.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Was all I could think of saying in that moment.

He slowly reached for my hand, and I let him. He pulled me to him and looked into my eyes, "I didn't want to scare you, or anyone else. Or even me."

I sighed, "you can't scare me."

He chuckled, "I know, but I care about you Czarina. If I lost my job because of my feelings for you, then I would hate myself."

I nodded, "you're right.... I'm sorry I caused this on you. Or forced you-"

"Do you like me? Still, I mean?" He asked out of no where.

I raised both eyebrows and sighed, "yes, and-"

"That's all I needed to hear." He said before interrupting me with a kiss.

And then it felt like a gas truck had came my way, at full speed, and ran me over. Because I had just realized that I didn't just like him. I love him.