Bruised

chapter seventeen.

"Tyler, hurry up I made breakfast!" my mom shouted from the kitchen. I had to make it downstairs, my mom making breakfast is a once a year type of thing. She only made breakfast on the first day of school.

After I finished breakfast I hurried back to the bathroom to brush my teeth and freshen up before I told Josh I was ready, he was going to come pick me up since I still didnt have a car of my own. 

-

I walked in the building with Josh, I felt immediate anxiety, looking at everyone with their friends, I guess I had a group of friends, but I was only there because of Josh, If i wasn't friends with Josh, I woudnt be friends with anyone there.

We walked up to the group standing in the hallway waiting for the bell to ring, we all talked about whatever and I kind of just stood there, not wanting school to ever actually start. I saw Justin walk in with Jenna, holding her hand and I didn't know what to feel, or how to feel. I tried to ignore it, even though I really couldn't.

Eventually the bell rang and I went into my first class, which fortunately I had with Josh, but it was the only class I had with him, pretty much all of the rest I had with Justin, which I didn't even want to think about. 

It was basically just my teacher indroducing herself and telling us about herself, and then explaining class procedures, which no one really cared about, but gave me time to think about everything. 

-

My next class I walked in and we already had a seating chart, I groaned and tried to find the seat with a sticky note with my name on it. I looked to see who was around me, and Justin's name was plastered on the sticky note on the desk behind me. My stomach dropped when I seen it, but I didn't have to talk to him, which was good news.

I sat down and put my head down on my desk and waited for class to start. I heard Jenna's voice in the room but didn't bring my head back up to look at her. "Alright, bye babe," I heard Justin's voice after hers. I wanted to sob right there. First day of school and its already went to shit. I hated Justin, I really, did, but I still wanted him more than anything for some reason I'll probably never know.

Same thing as the last class, introduction, and class procedures, except this time, our teacher wanted us to say our name, and something interesting about ourselves. I felt anxious and my fingers began shaking. I laid my head down and tried to ignore it, hoping they would just skip past me- they didn't.

"Excuse me, Uh- Tyler?" My teacher asked tapping on my arm.

I looked up at him, "Would you like to tell us something interesting about yourself?" He asked.

"No thank you," I responded.

"Okay, you can either participate or leave my classroom." he smirked.

Jesus, this guy is a prick I thought to myself.

"I really don't know." I stated aloud.

"I do! He's an overdramatic pussy!" Justin shouted across the classroom, getting a few laughs from the class.

"Justin!" my teacher nearly shouted.

"May I be excused?" I asked?

He allowed me to leave the classroom and I immediately left the classroom and went to the bathroom and stood alone, thinking. There really wasn't anything interesting about me, I tried to think of something I could have shared with the class, but I couldn't think of one single thing. There was nothing.

I also couldn't help but think of Josh, he's never made me feel badly about myself, he's always been there for me. I couldn't see him as any more than a friend though, and I knew I couldn't bring myself to trusting another relationship. I trusted Josh, I just really didn't want another relationship to go wrong.

Even though there was forty five minutes left in class I was not going back in there. I waited in the bathroom for class to get out. I sat there scrolling through social media on my phone.

Once class let out I went into the hallway and found Josh's locker and stood next to him and just talked to him like nothing ever even happened in class. When I wanted to talk about something with Josh, I made sure to let him know, and when I didn't feel like talking about something, he knew and he wouldn't even bring it up, unless he knows I'm really upset about it, he makes it his job to make me feel better.

-

Once the school day was over, I never felt so relieved, Josh ended up coming over to my house to hang out and do whatever. We naturally just ended up on the couch watching TV like we normally do. I was admiring his face as he watched the show, he laughed and the joke that was told and I didn't find it too funny but he did, and I loved his smile so much. I didn't want to think like that, I didn't want to have feelings for him, he's my friend, and I don't deserve him, he doesn't deserve the mess that I am. But I couldn't help it, I leaned over towards him and kissed him, I could tell it caught him off guard but he gave into it. I wrapped my hand around his neck and played with his hair.

-
Soon Josh has to go home, since we had school tomorrow. I was thinking and I guess he was too, he messaged me what he was thinking about what happened. 

Josh: Did that mean anything too you?

Josh: Do you even like me?

Josh: Sorry, I just don't want to keep thinking that we might actualy happen if it means nothing to you.

I never actually opened the messaged, I just read the preview, I didnt want to open them because I didnt know what to say. I didnt even know how I felt. I think I like him, but I don't want to trust anyone, even Josh. I don't want to make him  have to deal with me. Josh knows me, so I dont know why he wants to be with me, he knows how much of a mess I can be. 

I really didn't understand.

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Okay LISTEN. I already wrote this and published it, then! WATTPAD DELETES HALF OF IT!! ALso this isnt the first time this has happened, its happened like 3 times!!!!!!!!!! I emailed them and they didn't really say much so that triggered me and I didn't rewrite it for a while, but here ya go.

05.23.17