first • c.h

#9 First Guide

I can't believe it. After 16 years, I finally found out that I actually like someone - that I have a crush. It seems impossible really, for someone like me. I don't see why I should have a crush. All these years, I've avoided these but you can only blame hormones. I am a girl and it's no surprise that I would develop a crush. But it seems absolutely impossible. It's complicated though.

But the worst thing is that my heart decided to finally start liking someone at the exact time the guy developed feelings for another girl. And there's no doubt that I was unsure what to do. I was upset, obviously, but there's nothing I could do.

"I'm messed up." I whispered, tapping my fingers on my table.

I was doing my homework but I couldn't even lay an eyeball on the paper. My head was too distracted to even think about anything--anything other than these feelings.

Beep.

My phone sounded from my pocket. I slipped it out to find out there was a text sent to me.

Open your window.

Calum. I rolled my eyes and climbed my bed before opening the window. I looked down and there he was, climbing slowly up the strong, thick vines that were attached closely to the wall. It took him less than 2 minutes to reach beside me and he squeezed himself into the window.

"Why can't you just walk by the door?" I rolled my eyes again. "It's cooler this way." He smiled and plopped down into my bed.

I left him lying on my bed and went back to my desk even though I knew I wouldn't be able to focus with him here, though I can't even focus without Calum.

"You alright?" He asked, sitting up. "No." I answered truthfully but it wasn't like I was going to ask him why I didn't feel exactly fine.

"Thought so. You look upset." He frowned and pat my bed as if asking me to sit beside him. I sighed and groggily moved towards the bed before diving into it. My mind relaxed as I closed my eyes. Just when I was about to get cosy into bed, Calum decided to pull me up again.

"Tell me what's wrong." He whined, shaking my arms. I pulled my arm away from him and pushed him by his shoulder.

Calum is so annoying, I feel like slapping him right now. But I would if I could. I was feeling so upset I couldn't even think properly.

Should I tell him?

"Well, I think I like someone." I said but he doesn't look too surprised. "By 'someone', you mean a dude right? Like a boy?" He asked, widening his eyes.

Why is he asking me this?

"Of course it's a guy!" I shouted, trying to push him off the bed but he was too strong for me. He laughed but the laughing died down when he realized I wasn't a tad amused.

"That's good. So why're you upset?" He asked again, lying down now facing the ceiling. I followed his move and stared at the ceiling too, feeling a little relaxed.

"I'm not what he's looking for." I frowned after Ashton's words keep flooding my mind. "What do you mean?" Calum asked again and I rolled my eyes for the third time since he came.

"He likes those girls who wear dresses, giggle and all those shit. And I'm far from that." I closed my eyes after staring at the ceiling for too long.

"Oh..." He paused for the longest time but that's okay because I don't really mind. I want it to be quiet. "What're are you gonna do?"

I thought for a bit. There's actually nothing that could be done and it's not like I would do anything about it but something is telling me I should work my way forward. I only met this guy like a few days ago and I already like him? Doesn't make sense actually.