Toxic (Harry Styles)

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Love is whatever you can still betray. Betrayal can only happen if you love.

ONE WEEK LATER

It's been a week since Jess was taken and found, since we discovered Evan's mark on her, and a week since Harry kissed me the way he did at the very desk I sit in now.

I'm slumped down in my chair, a pen held between my teeth as I chew on it─ a nervous act I've recently picked up from Harry ─and my foot tapping the floor repeatedly. I'm lucky there hasn't been so many classes today, so I wouldn't have to speak to as many people, because my mind has wondered too many times to count. I'd try to work on this week's pay for the works, or read an email that Lilly may need to read, or change the sign-in sheet and my brain would drift off to different places each time.

I wonder if Jess has taken her pain killers yet.

Has Lucas gotten any leads on Evan?

Where has Harry gone off to?

Harry did come with me to work today, just like every day I've worked in the past week. He'd sit on the floor against the filing cabinet and play with his phone, or whistle, or even annoy me with silly questions as I 'tried' to work. I answered them anyway.

Something this past week has been wrong with Harry. He hasn't talked to me the same, touched me the same, kissed me the same. At night when we sleep he would hold me loose, not tight like usual─ sometimes he doesn't hold me at all. I would hardly get any sleep with questions running through my mind, and I'd be up at 4 o'clock in the morning, watching bad sitcoms and drinking coffee─ something I don't like to drink often.

One time, on Sunday I believe, Harry woke up startled while I was thinking. He didn't talk so I didn't say anything or even open my eyes in return, waiting for him to do something. But he doesn't, the bed bounced as he threw himself back down, and it surprised me when his arms brought me close to him. Eventually his breathing went back to normal but I couldn't fall asleep like he did.

Actually, I was even more awake with more questions. Why did he wake so suddenly? Was it a bad dream?

But the next morning I never asked.

Focus, Shay, I say to myself.

I poise my pen over another paper, sitting up straighter in my seat, willing myself to fill out the boxes, but my concentration is soon broken by footsteps rounding the corner coming back into the main room.

Harry glides towards my with two foam cups in either hand with lids covering the top. The corners of his mouth are up but his teeth are hidden behind his deep pink lips. I try to smile back at him but it feels forced and it's hard to look at him knowing something was up.

"I found the break room!" He chirps. Harry stops before my desk, placing one of the cups on top of my papers, "Here you go."

"Is it coffee?" I wrap my hand around the warm cup, bring it up to my nose and sniff.

"No, I'm cutting you off as of now because I'm tired of waking up in the morning and having no coffee beans in my house," he chuckles. "So I got you hot chocolate instead."

Sure enough the smell of warm chocolate fills my nose and my stomach instantly thaws from the chilly air inside. "Thanks," I say, taking a sip.

"No problem." Harry sits back down on the floor, his back to the cabinet. "What are you doing?" He tries to make conversation.

"Boring paper work," I dryly laugh. "I'm sure you don't want details."

Harry hums, drinking his, what I assume to be, coffee. There's a moment of silence where I try to pay attention to the words that I read but don't comprehend. The music coming from one of the rooms can be heard faintly through the walls.