Amnesia

C23: Storm

That night, it stormed.

It wasn't the kind of gentle storm that puts you to sleep, it was the kind that makes the power go out and your windows shake.

And so it did.

By 11:00 the power hadn't come back on and everyone was tired. We decided to all stay in the living room together and put the flashlight in the middle.

That was a mistake.

I should've known what was going to happen. I should've locked myself in the bathroom all night and let Natasha and Steve sleep in piece.
But instead I fell apart. Again.

It hasn't happened in weeks. But then again, it hasn't majorly stormed in weeks either.

All it took was one crack of thunder and the memories came rushing in like a flood.

By 2:00 I was lying on the floor screaming.

By 2:02 Steve was trying to shake me awake.

By 2:04 I couldn't hear his voice anymore, all I could hear were their voices pounding in my head. Mission: Make sure Captain America seizes to exist. Don't come back if he's not dead. Kill him. 48 hours. Go soldier. Now.

By 2:05 Natasha was sitting by my side too.

By 2:06 I saw her face and slipped back. Again. Back to Hydra. Back to the evil. Back to my mission.

By 2:07 Steve was lying on the floor next to me with my hand wrapped around his neck, hoping that somewhere inside of me I could stop.

By 2:08 I was choking the life out of him. Don't come back if he's not dead.

By 2:09 I heard him screaming out my name, by it had no effect. Bucky please! You have to stop! Bucky it's me. It's Steve. You're okay!

By 2:10 I couldn't see.

By 2:11 I felt the pain singing through my body of numerous hits from either Steve, Natasha or both, but neither came close to scratching the surface.

By 2:12 the world went black.

I fell into something soft and I didn't dare to get back up.