Amnesia

C34: Hell

The next few days were hell.

Steve woke up after the first night, but it wasn't completely awake... it was more of zoning in and out. I tried to stay by his side the whole time, but Natasha made the point that we had to do something with that hydra guy tied up in the closet, so I ended up handing him over to her. They left an hour ago to find the base, and I feel like hell knowing she's alone, but she insisted I not even try to come or she would stab my hand into the table.

I stood in the kitchen leaning against the counter waiting for my phone to ring, or for Steve to wake up, or for a knock at the door, or just anything at this point. Anything to distract me from thinking too hard. Something I tend to do a lot.

It's just so hard when everything is filled with silence.

But then I heard the shuffling of blankets from across the room.

"Steve?" I bolted over to the couch, dropping the phone in my hands on the end of the counter.

When I reached the couch I saw him moving underneath the blue blanket that laid on top of him. His eyes were opening slowly, but I could see him blinking himself awake.

"Hey Stevie." I knelt down next to him.

"Hmm?" He quietly attempted to mumble as he lifted his head from the pillow.

He was sitting up, seemingly without any pain, and he held his head in his hands, as he made his way into a sitting position.

"Hey hey be careful. You might not want to sit up so fast." I said, reaching my hand out onto his knee.

"Where am I?" He muttered, looking at the blanket in his lap.

"We're at the apartment Steve. You're gonna be fine."

"What?"

"Our apartment?" I questioned raising my eyebrows.

"Who's?" He said shaking his head.

"You and me, Steve. We live here. Don't you remember?"

"Bucky?" He quickly turned his head back towards me.

"Yeah Steve..."

"It's you." He said smiling.

"Who else would it be?"

"I thought they took you. He said he killed Natasha and I was just..."

"Hey... don't worry about it. I'm right here... and Natasha is out infiltrating a hydra base right now." I smiled, taking ahold of the hands in his lap.

"I'm not dead."

"No... you're not." I laughed. "And thank God, because I swear Steven Rogers if I have to lose you again..."

"You won't. I'm sorry."

"This is why I told you not to do anything stupid."

"You know I never listen."

I shook my head, grinning.

"I'm glad you're back... I can't live without you. Not again."

He let go of my hands and reached out one of his hands to the side of my face. He tucked my hair behind my ear, and then rested his palm along my jawline. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch, glad to feel it again.

"You won't have to."

"Don't go making promises you can't keep." I whispered.

Steve smiled in the most delicate way. It was warm and gentle, pure and soft it reminded me a lot of how he used to smile at me as a kid. I think if I would've paid enough attention I would've noticed he was totally crushing on me back then too. The little things he used to do... and I just talked myself out of it. What a dumbass... if I would've just stayed with him then it would've never been like this.

But in a way... what kind of life would we have led then?

Two guys living together their whole lives doesn't exactly seem normal in a world where most dudes were married by their thirties. We would have been on edge the whole time. It would have made Steve uncomfortable at some point. He hates not being honest with people... and having a relationship with me from where, or at least when, we came from would have been one huge ass lie. It would've never worked.

I'm a little hesitant to say I'm glad it worked out here though. Looking at what we've lost to get here. I've lost my memory and my self worth. Steve's lost Peggy and other comrades, just to fight for a cause that's not even here anymore. He's been through a lot... and so have I.

"What are you think about?" Steve whispered.

"Nothing." I shook my head. "Um do you want something to eat?"

"Uh yeah sure... you okay?"

"Yeah... I'll uh go make some soup I guess."

"Alright..." He said hesitantly as I began to stand up, falling out of his touch.

I looked down at the wood floor as I crossed it, making sure my footsteps never got annoying.

"Buck?"

"Yeah?" I said quietly as I made my way into the kitchen.

"I love you." He looked over the couch at me.

I smiled and closed my eyes.

"I love you too."