Your Universe

#YU26

•RICHARD•

Huling gabi na ng burol ni mommy ngayon kaya sobrang busy naming lahat. Our relatives came home for her and I'm somehow glad that they did. Sayang lang kasi sa ganitong pangyayari pa kami makukumpleto.

Maine, on the other hand, never left my side. Lagi siyang nakaalalay sa'kin, sacrificing her sembreak just to be with me. I'm not complaining though, I'm just glad that she's here. Mahihirapan siguro ako lalo kung wala siya. Dumating din yung parents at mga kapatid niya, and I'm thankful for them that they're here too.

Even our friends are here, my classmates and teachers, to tell their condolences personally.

"I'll excuse you for a week, Richard, to let you grieve for your mom," Ms. Carvalho told me as we sat on one of the tables. Dumating siya kasama sina Coach Ayo and Coach Lena. "Wala pa namang exams since magsisimula pa lang ulit yung classes."

I nodded politely and smiled. "Thank you po, Ms. Carvalho."

I excused myself and went inside my room and grabbed one of mom's shirt, my favorite one of hers, and hugged it as if it was her while lying down my bed. Ang hirap, sobrang hirap, as if a part of me died with her. Alam kong magbabago na, na hindi na katulad ng dati, but I will try ma, I will keep on trying to be okay for you.

Naramdaman kong bumukas yung pinto ng kwarto ko, showing off Maine walking towards me. I felt her lay beside me and started to spoon me, her hands wrapped around me. I can feel her breathing on my neck, and I held her as tight as I can, never wanting to let go.

"It's okay to cry, love," I heard her whisper in my ear, kissing it after. "I know it won't lessen the pain, but somehow, it'll make you feel better."

And then I started crying, remembering how my mom used to say those words to me whenever I get hurt.

"It's okay for boys to cry, RJ. If something or someone hurts you, it's okay to cry. It won't lessen the pain immediately, but it will make you feel better."

Maine must've felt my shoulders were shaking as I cry because she tightened her grip to me. We stayed like that for almost 30 minutes, until I stopped and turned around so I can face her. I pulled her closer to me, our arms wrapped around our waists, her nose nuzzling the side of my neck. I gave light, feathery kisses on top of her head and I grabbed her hand and placed it on top of my chest.

"I'm happy that you're here, Maine," I told her. "You give me strength... and hope that everything will be okay. Kahit wala na si mommy, at least you're here."

"RJ..." she cupped my face and smiled.

"Hindi ako sigurado kung sinadya ba ni Lord na ibigay ka sa akin sa mga panahong kahit ako mismo, hindi ko alam na kailangan pala kita. Pero dahil dun, nagpapasalamat ako na dumating ka sa buhay ko."

"Ay grabe siya," she said and smiled shyly. She slapped my chest lightly and giggled. "Kakilig naman ehhh.."

I chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose. "I can stay like this with you forever, Maine."

"Grabe ka, di ka man lang ba kakain? Iihi? Baka majebs ka din ha."

"Way to lighten up the mood, Nicomaine," I laughed. "Iba ka talaga."

"E kasi naman ikaw," she chuckled. "Pero like you, love, I can stay this way forever too. Basta ikaw kayakap ko okay lang. Dimples mo pa lang, busog na ko eh." We heard her stomach grunt and we both laughed. "Pero kain muna tayo, love. Nagrereklamo na mga intestines ko eh."

***

It's the last time I'd physically see my mom as we started to lay her remains to rest. I still, and will cry because she's gone. But I've already accepted that and I'll try to be happy. Kahit hindi agad. Alam kong binabantayan pa rin ako, kami, ng mommy kung nasaan man siya.