letting go >> rilaya

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maya

“Riley! Wait!” I called after her, but she was already gone. She couldn't hear me anymore. I fell on my already weakened knees and sobbed right be- side her. She was pale and cold. I looked into her brown eyes, her eyes that were once full of light and love. Now they're just cold and lifeless. I look down at her lips ,so dry and cracked, when they used to be plump and healthy and kissable. I looked down at our intertwined hands, I've been holding onto her for the past three hours, after the crash. I still can't believe it let it happen, what was wrong with me?

flashback

“Riles, why don't we call a cab?” I yelled over the loud speakers. But she shook her head and laughed. “No! No, I'm fiiineee!” I sighed and finished the drink in my hand before talking hers and walking to the exit. Riley's parents had bought her a car ,so we decided to bring it to Billy Ross's party. Riley got into the driver side and I into the passenger. She turned on the ignition before she put on her seat belt, meanwhile I, did put on my seat belt. I then noticed that she was going too fast, and as I tried to tell her to slow down, she only ignored me and went faster. I looked ahead and saw that we were close to crashing, I tried to grab the wheel, but it was no use. Before I knew it, we had crashed into the tree. I took off my seat belt and searched for Riley. I found her, in between a window. I started crying and dialed 911 on my phone. The paramedics came and so did the police and our parents.

Now here we are; at the hospital, saying goodbye to my best friend. I haven't stopped crying, it's been thirty minutes since her heart stopped and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm the reason she's dead, even though everyone tells me it's not true. I'm the reason my best friend is gone; I'll never get to see her beautiful smile. Or the excited look she gets when she sees babies and little animals. Never again will I be able to hold her when she's crying. Or laugh with her when she's laughing her beautiful laugh. She's gone and it's time for me to accept it. But I can't. I will never get over this. I never got to tell her one last time that I love her. That I've loved her for the longest time. I knew I should have told her, but I just never imagined she'd go too soon. As I look onto her dead, lifeless body, I feel more hot tears falling down my face. No matter what anyone ever says, Riley Matthews died because of me. I am responsible for what happened. I should have stopped it. I wasn't even as drunk as Riley, yet I still let her drive. This is something that will haunt me forever, and forever I will have to live with the fact that my best friend, is gone. And it's all my fault. All. My. Fault.

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