Forty

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Sleeping has been hard.

Even though I hadn't shared a bed or a room with my friends in years, I still miss the tangle of limbs as we all tried to squeeze onto the bed.

I miss the yelp as someone fell off and the laugh that always followed.

I miss how that even on the darkest days, we could make one another smile.

Even after all this time they were my family. Now that they were gone, I feel this gaping hole that I don't know how to fill.

Every time I see Oliver and Alexander laugh together, I'm hit with memories of Gus and Rob as they play fought to fill time.

I see Matthew running about and remember the two people who loved him more than anyone. I remember all of us doing everything we could to keep him safe before he was even born.

And little Rya.

She seems to be the purest thing in this fucked up world. She's only three but has stolen the hearts of everyone. Even Oliver.

She'll be a heartbreaker when she grows up. I just know it.

I fall asleep with the image of her in my head.

****

I wake up to a stinging sensation on my chest just above my heart. I groan and Viktor stirs beside me.

I open my eyes and push myself up. My hand goes to my chest and I hiss as my fingers make contact with the painful skin. I look down and see my white vest have a small patch of blood on it.

There's a hole in the material and I lift my shirt to see what is actually going on.

There's a small cut, about half an inch wide over my heart. It's not deep but it scares me. This isn't there on accident.

Viktor is fully awake now and stares at the cut. "What did you do?" He asks. His voice is deep and rough from sleep.

I frown "Nothing" I stare at it longer "It looks like someone tried to stab me with a tiny knife"

He sits up. He pulls down my vest "Get changed. I need to do something but I'll see you for breakfast" And then he just leaves. I watch him go, still shirtless and close the door behind himself.

I shake my head and ignore the confusion clouding my brain. I swing my legs out of bed and go to my closet. It's not as big as my old one but it's bigger than the ones I had growing up.

I pick out a royal blue summer dress and change into it. I wouldn't be leaving the house, as I never do, so I leave my feet bare.

The villa is eerily silent as I make my way to see Rya. She's already awake and playing with her bunny on the floor. She had wanted to call it Teddy but it terrified me when she kept calling out Sean's brothers name. It was now called Bonbon after her favourite sweets that Alexander had got both her and me addicted to.

My hand goes to my stomach that was noticeably bigger than it was when I lived with Sean. My weight had never bothered me. That was until I got so skinny my clothes wouldn't fit right. That was around the time that we found out Angie was pregnant and I started giving her my portion at dinner.

I got away with it until I passed out because I hadn't eaten in nearly a week. After that, I was given everyone else's food until I gained back a pound or two. With the six of them, we all managed to eat every night like normal.

I smile as Rya spots me. "Hey. You're up early" I say.

She jumps to her feet "Can we go swimming today?" She asks. "Awex said I can go swimming"

I roll my eyes "If course he did" I laugh "Of course you can go swimming"

"Can daddy come too?" She asks hopefully.

I smile "Yes. Even if he says no, then we'll push him in. Okay?"

She laughs. "Mummy I'm hungry"

I smile "Come on then. Let's go get breakfast"

I take her down the corridor and hear Viktor in the other room. He's on the phone to somebody. "On you go down. I'll just be a minute" I say. She runs off, dragging Bonbon behind her.

I press my ear to the door and can just make out his voice.

"She'll be there by tomorrow morning" he pauses "Yes. Yes. It doesn't matter" he answers whoever is on the other end of the line. "Pleasure doing business with you"

I frown. What is he doing?

"Beautiful warrior" Alexander says. Where did he come from?

"What?" I ask as I try to calm my beating heart.

He smiles "Your name. It means beautiful warrior in Portugeuse. It suits you"

I frown. "How do you know this? I didn't think you spoke Portuguese"

"Bella means the same in Italian. I speak Italian" he explains "And Viktor told me what his name means years ago"

"You speak Italian?" I ask.

"" he grins.

I fold my arms over my chest "Anything else you've been keeping from me?"

He laughs but a guilty look passes over his face. "Abbondanza, tesoro"

I frown. I hated when I couldn't understand them. Now I have to learn Italian and learning Portugeuse was a pain in the ass.

"Bem então. Se estamos jogando esse jogo" I grin and walk away.

****

Viktor was acting weird all day. Distant almost. He hadn't spoken at all but wouldn't leave my side for even a second.

Actually, everyone was acting weird. As if they knew something I didn't.

I'm suttimg watching TV, Rya just went to bed and Viktor went for a shower. I'm finally alone.

I start to doze off when Viktor shakes me awake. I smile at him. "Can I see your arm?" He asks.

I frown "Why?" I ask.

He sighs "Please princesa"

I relax and give him my arm. I turn back to the TV. His request is strange but it would be stranger to deny him. I love him. I trust him. He wouldn't hurt me.

A sharp pinch in my arm tells me different. I turn to see him injecting me with something. As he pulls the needle out, I yank my arm away. "What the fuck?" I yell.

He gulps and looks up at me. There's tears in his eyes. One falls and I frown. "What's happening?" I ask.

He drops his head "It's to make the journey easier"

I gulp as drowsiness hits me. "What have you done to me" I fall down and he cups my cheek as my eyelids flutter.

He's really crying now. "I'm sorry princesa. Goodbye"

And then I slip away.

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