Curse of the East (Fili/The Hobbit Fanfiction)

Chapter 55 - The Proposal

I moved slowly through the grand corridors on silent feet, having abandoned my shoes not far from the party and feeling more like a ghost than I had ever even believed was even possible without having actually died. Everything suddenly seemed too grand. Too magnificent, too much like the stories I had spent my life reading and I felt terribly out of place in my borrowed gown. I was not a princess, or a dignitary, or a noblewoman. I was a warrior, a scholar, and in this moment I felt like I was nothing more than an imposter in this place. Those people had seen it. After all those months together the company must have stopped noticing it; or perhaps they had grown much better at hiding it; but suddenly I was once again drowning in the feeling that had haunted me during my life in the Shire. The feeling of being an outsider. Somehow I had managed to put up my walls and avoid thinking about it back in Bag End. But here, now, I had to fight hard against the stinging in my eyes as I felt phantom eyes burning into my flesh, even now that they were far behind me.

Lost in thought, I was surprised when I found myself up on the ramparts,and I couldn't help but laugh as I looked out over the field I had fought on only a few months ago. Trees had been planted, and they were growing quickly, many were already stretching past my shoulders.I couldn't be sure, but their quick growth likely had something to do with a little bit of magic that might have been in the seeds Lord Elrond had sent to us.

From my current position I could just barely see the edge of the royal gardens, and it didn't look like much from here; but I knew it stretched for miles, and there were hundreds of different types of flowers that left nothing less than a maze of smells and colors one could spend days lost in.

Memorials had been erected for the fallen, and if you were outside anywhere on the mountain you could always see at least one of them. And from where I stood I could see Dale. Lights blazing in every corner of the city.

Bard was in charge these days, and I had eagerly helped him with his rebuilding effort just as much as I had helped Thorin and his architects with ours. His people were thriving, and with help from the treasure Thorin had given them, the city had been returned to its former glory; at first glance you might never know of the terrible tragedy that had occurred there; of course, look a little closer and there were little signs all over. The gloom and despair that had hung in the air like a fog over Laketown was long gone, and I had faith that Dale would endure this time; even if it was not going to be exactly the same as it had been in the days of old. Things had changed for the better, and I was glad of it.

I pulled my thoughts back to the present, and leaned hard against the stone wall that stopped just above my waist. I dropped my head in my hands, and tried to ignore the terrified voice in my head that was screaming at me to run. Run far away and never come back. Hot tears slid down my cheeks as I thought of the nights I had spent laughing around the fire with the company, the fight with the trolls, even our time in Rivendell. I missed it, Durin did I miss it. Things had been so simple, and now everything had suddenly become a terribly complicated puzzle, and I wasn't sure I fit anywhere anymore. They had hired me to do a job, and now that job was done, it had been finished a long time ago. So, logically speaking, I should have left months ago.

"There you are." Fili said from behind me, I jumped, not having heard him come up the stairs. I took a deep breath, wiping the tears from my face as I heard him move closer to me. "I had to speak to Dain for no more than two minutes, and when I turned around you were gone."He reached my side and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I've been looking everywhere for you." I didn't look up, so a moment later his hand found my chin and gently turned my face so I met his gaze. "What's wrong?" He asked, his eyes widening as he took in my appearance. I shook my head.

"I have to leave Fili." I said at last, my heart breaking as I heard the words out loud. "It was stupid for me to stay so long." I ran my hand through my hair. Blinking quickly to keep more tears from falling now.