Preordained #ProjectNigeria

36- I Love You Dangerously

Song- Dangerously by Charlie Puth

Maduka's POV~

I want to keep holding her like this. It's perfect, the way she fits right against me; soft against hard.

Nwanyieze sighs. "I don't know what to do with you."

"I'd very much prefer without me."

I want to dominate her every thought, her dreams. How can all this happen in such a short while? How can I meet someone and want to mean everything to her so soon? How could fear grip me in such a visceral manner at the thought of losing her after the event with Tasha's panties? I couldn't even imagine what would have happened if she'd stuck to her guns about not wanting to see me anymore.

You see, in the short time I've known her since Saheed's party, I've observed that Nwanyieze is wilful. Fiercely independent, and the type of person to avoid settling for less. But there's this wall she tries to build up between us, and sometimes when she's not trying I perceive some sort of fear. I desperately want to know what the problem is; I desperately want to solve it.

"They're here," I say when I spot Mama Uju climbing up the stairs with a sleeping Adanna in her arms. Nwanyieze wriggles out of my arms and turns to face them.

"O di kwa mma?" Mama Uju asks Nwanyieze, her brows drawn together. Is all well?

Nwanyieze nods in reply. "I left my keys inside," she replies in Igbo.

I greet Mama Uju, and she replies.

At the sound of my voice, Adanna opens her eyes and looks at us both sleepily. The brown eyes settle on me and all traces of sleep are gone.

"Uncle, hi," she greets, spreading her chubby arms out and leaning towards me. I take her from her mother's arms.

"Hi, small madam," I reply. She smells of buttery popcorn and sea salt. "What did you do today?"

"Mummy and me, we went to the beach. The water was blue," she replies while impatiently pushing away a lock of dark curls from her forehead.

Adanna is so adorable that the frustration of my day melts away immediately. After we get into their flat, she goes on talking about how the suya man gave her an extra slice of suya because she sang the national anthem for him, how she wasn't scared of the horse like the other children because she is a big girl like Sister Nwa, how Mummy wouldn't let her swim too far like the big kids because Mummy was scared but she wasn't...

A thought strikes me. When Nwanyieze and I have a baby, what would he or she look like? I definitely want a little girl with her eyes; a little version of the woman I love.

I love.

The two words make me laugh out loud. Adanna tilts her head and asks, "Uncle, is it funny?"

"What, princess?"

"Is it funny that I fell and bruised my knee?"

Oh. My mind had drifted off during our conversation. I put on a solemn face and reply, "Of course it isn't funny. But you're a big girl and you didn't cry like a baby, I know that."

Adanna seems pleased and her pout disappears. "I only cried small. Just small." She joins the tips of her thumbs and index fingers.

"That's alright. You cried like a big girl."

"Ada, time to take a bath," Mama Uju calls from inside. She steps out few seconds later and asks if I'd like to have something to eat. I decline with a smile. Her countenance is a bit off now; maybe she's upset.

"Uncle, will you be here when I finish?" Adanna questions.

"No, but I'll visit you soon again, okay?"

"Is soon tomorrow?"

I laugh. "Soon is anytime. Maybe tomorrow or next week."

That seems to satisfy her, and with a pat on my cheek, the little girl bounces away towards her mother. When they both leave, Nwanyieze emerges. She stands close to the entrance, as if she'd ready to run back in if I make any move. I sit back where I am on the couch, and we watch each other in silence.

"What are you really after, Maduka?"

"What are you really scared of, Nwanyieze?"

She doesn't reply, and I don't pester her for an answer. Another thing I've learned from her is not to push her for answers to a question. Nwanyieze answers at her own time. She pushes herself off the wall and moves towards me.

"What makes you so patient with me?"

Now, if I opened my mouth and said I love her, I can bet all my money that she's going to run back through the door into the safety of her room. I also understand that she isn't playing with me; but I can't tell what she wants exactly. It's indeed frustrating but I'm not backing down.

"I'm a patient man naturally," is my reply.

Yes, I'm so patient I'm already trying to imagine what our daughter would look like.

Now, that would really send her moving to the farthest state from Lagos.

"Maduka, I don't know..."

"Is it still about Tasha's underwear?"

She shakes her head. "I don't know how this is supposed to go. Me. You. I haven't been in this sort of thing before."

I pull her out from the flat onto the balcony. The sun is setting, but there is enough light for me to see her face. It is free from make up, and the orange light gives her skin a golden glow. The lips I kissed a while ago are a bit swollen, tinged with pink. I run a gentle finger over them and ask, "Did I hurt you? I must've been too eager to kiss you."

She shakes her head with a smile. "I was eager, too."

"We'll go however you want. Whatever you want, so long as I'm not harming you in anyway."

"But I don't know what I want," she whispers.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No."

I chuckle. "There you go."

She playfully punches my arm and I feign pain.

"But, if you want me to go away, you have to mean it. Because I'm in too deep to leave myself. I don't think I can."

She sighs, and I can hear the uncertainty in that sound.

Oh, you're going to have to trust me. I'll see to that.

"I understand that trust does not come easily." I remember the look on her face that night after the discovery of Tasha's underwear. I never want her to look at me that way again.

"What about Tasha?"

"I spoke to her this morning. I told her about you. She's bound to see us together in town soon."

"Okay..."

"Hey." I place my hands on both sides of her face. "It's just you. Its just Nwanyieze."

I know she's weighing my words, wondering if she's ready to go on this journey with me, wondering if the potholes and speed bumps will be dangerous, wondering if something will pop up along the way and ruin everything. I know she's trying hard not to show her fear.

What is she scared of? I wonder for the millionth time.

"Whatever you want to do," I say one last time before planting a kiss on her forehead and backing away towards the stairs.

My chest is rather heavy as I drive home.

What if she decides I'm not worth it, afterall?

What would I do, though? And how will I be able to tell her that we knew each other once upon a time?

And most of all... How will I tell her about us without telling her about myself?