Preordained #ProjectNigeria

65- You Remind Me

Warning: Contains potentially disturbing content.

Nwanyieze's POV~

I should have known that seeing him again would undo me. It had felt like being doused with ice cold water from my head to my toes. The guilt I had tried so hard to suppress had burst like a huge bubble, but had instead produced a million smaller bubbles. It had taken all my strength to remain standing on my shaky legs.

He had been equally shocked, the way his eyes had roamed over me like, 'Is this really you, Nwanyieze?'

And I had never felt so shameful, watching him watch me and wondering if he knew that Saheed and I... When he had tried to follow me, I had felt like the biggest scam in the world. What was he following me for? What did he want to say to me, after all I had put him through?

He has been doing well. I should know, because I have been following him up after his interview with Agric Digest. I have been on his social media pages, watching his updates. I have read more of his interviews and articles in newspapers and magazines, smiling at how he tells the story of his life and his love for agriculture, and I remain grateful that he has never mentioned me to the public.

"Are you feeling better?"

I swallow and clear my emotions from my face before turning towards the owner of the voice. Saheed is walking towards me with a cup of hot tea, concern on his handsome features. He has insisted on visiting me in my Ikorodu residence to 'care' for me because I have been ill for over a week now. Frankly, I have no strength to contend with him by refusing, because Saheed is ready to tear down the gates and terrify the neighbours until he sees me.

"It's the mosquitoes in this place," he had said in disgust upon arrival about fifteen minutes ago. "Why you live here, I don't know. I have offered you a place on Banana Island but you won't take it."

I had said nothing, walking back to lie on my bed in the one bedroom apartment.

"Sip gently," he tells me now.

"Thank you."

My expression of gratitude surprises him, but he recovers immediately and nods. I turn away from him, and continue to stare out my only window. The view isn't breathtaking- I am not interested in the lizards moving across the yard, or the two birds perched on the fence, or the few worn out clothes on the public line in the corner of the front yard. My mind is drifting again, calling out towards the one person I know I can never have.

"You're still thinking of him."

"Of who, Saheed?"

"Maduka."

Funny, none of us has ever mentioned his name until now. After our encounter at the hotel, Saheed had come to my place and handed me my phone, saying nothing. I hadn't said anything, either. We had gazed at each other silently for a few moments and that was all.

"Maduka," I repeat. His name on my tongue feels pleasantly familiar, like starving and remembering the delicious taste of an unforgettable meal you had eaten long ago.

Saheed sighs and stands up from my bed. He begins to pace from one end of my room to the other, hands in his pockets. I watch him for a few seconds, wondering how I had put myself in this.

What had I been thinking, getting into this with him? After the dramatic split with Maduka, it was like I had gone numb. I knew I would be hurt, but it was beyond what I could handle, and so I had made myself stop feeling, had made deliberate attempts to avoid people in general. I felt unwanted, dirty, useless. I didn't want to infect anyone with my misery, and that was why I had discarded my phone number for a new one and moved out, away from Mama Uju, Adanna, the city and to Ikorodu.