i miss you, i love you | park jihoon

five

song #5: always  - produce 101  top 20 contestants

feburary 14th, 2016, 3:40pm

"can i buy a bouquet of  those orchids please," jihoon smiled kindly at the lady serving him, and she returned the gesture and began to bundle them together. 

"so, who's the lucky girl who's getting this from a boy as handsome as you this valentine's day?" she initiated a conversation to lighten the mood, but jihoon could only smile sadly at the floor.

"it's for my girlfriend," jihoon laughed softly and her smile only got wider. "how sweet of you, i'm sure she will love them," she cooed as she handed jihoon the flowers and he mouthed a soft 'thank you'. 

before he closed the door behind him, jihoon let a tear fall from his eye as he turned to face the woman. "my girlfriend will surely appreciate them from heaven." and he closed the door behind him before the now agape shopkeeper could say anything.

-

feburary 14th, 2016, 5pm

jihoon walked towards the tomb of his beloved, with only the sounds of his footsteps crunching the grass beneath him. this was his first time visiting the tomb after around a month after doyeon's death, and the falling of his tears were still a frequency in all of his days so far.

he kneeled down on his knees and began to weep as he placed the flowers on doyeon's tomb. "i got you your favourite flowers, orchids," he smiled at the picture of the girl on the rock. "happy valentine's day, bubblegum," he chuckled at the adorable nickname that he always called her and she hated with a passion.

he glanced over to his left, where doyeon's grandfather's tomb lay as well. they both had the same smile and similar facial features. "doyeon-ah, i have always dreamt of the day we would both have children of our own. and they would have your amazingly captivating eyes and gorgeous smile," he began to sob. "but now i know, that day will never come," he leaned forward to let his head rest on the foot of her tomb.

jihoon just sat there with doyeon's smiling picture not looking down at him but ahead of her, when he felt someone tap his shoulder. he quickly wiped his tears and looked up.

"yah, why did you wipe your tears, i was about to give you some tissues because of how much you were crying," a female voice said. jihoon's eyes were too glassy to make out the face of the girl. he took the tissue and stood up, wiping his tears and putting on a brave front. 

he took a better look at the girl and recognised her. "oh, it's you? the nurse from the hospital, the one-" he started but she finished his sentence for him. "yes, the one you yelled at," she laughed and jihoon felt a pang of guilt. "oh, i'm really sorry about that," he could not make eye contact with her. he heard her sigh and turn to doyeon's tomb.

"she's beautiful," she whispered and jihoon chuckled. 

"she's dead."

"maybe that's just what you think."

"what?"

"you love her so much i don't think she can bear to leave you like this. for all you know, she's alive in spirit, watching over you. and i'm sure she does not want to see you this sad," she started and jihoon opened his mouth to speak but she continued before he could say anything. "i know i am a nobody to tell you this, but i have gone through similar circumstances as you. my father's tomb is just to the right of your girlfriend's." she gestured her head to the tomb to the left and jihoon turned his tear-streaked face to the tomb on the left. 

"i'll leave you on your own now. i hope you learn something from what i say, jihoon. i was in your shoes before, but because somebody told me this, i'm telling it to you now." jihoon looked at her with a glimpse of gratitude that could not be expressed through words. she acknowledged it and extended her hand to jihoon.

"i'm nina, by the way," jihoon took her hand in his and she placed her palm on top of his hand. "take care of yourself, jihoon," she smiled her probably signature genuine grin and jihoon felt his heart flutter. 

"thank you, nina," jihoon smiled with gratitude choking him. nina turned back and walked towards her car, wiping what seemed like tears from her eyes. 

jihoon turned back to doyeon and managed to smile a genuine smile that hadn't appeared in so long.

"i'll get back on my feet, for you, doyeon," he extended his pinky to the tomb in front of him. "but pinky promise me that you will be here with me no matter what," he chuckled at his favourite gesture.

just at that moment, a strong breeze gently touched jihoon's face. and as stupid as it sounds, he actually felt something wrap around his pinky protectively.

and like the wind, he felt a gush of hope flood over him. and at the same time, he felt a still, small yet comforting voice echo in his heart.

"of course, and don't forget something." jihoon opened his eyes just to see if he was being delusional again.

"i miss you, i love you." 

-

first update since the final results can u hear my yodels of pain :^ ok tbh i am happy with the lineup but like my men seonho and youngmin didn't get through so i'm q salty oK lols but im excited to follow wanna one on this flowery path ❁

& because my other fic is going to end soon, i'm going to start another p101 book that i already have in mind and kind of started so don't forget to check that out when it comes out ;)

dedication: @neomu- for being a really cool human by showing this fic a lot of love you deserve more love than that many hearts for you my love x

and also i'm really sorry if i can't update very frequently, my school homework load can be rather unbearable at times and sometimes when i plan to update after i study, i end up brain dead i'm so so so sorry okay :((( i'll try my best though ok bc i love u all :-) 파이팅 hehe

stay smelly

love, twinkle.

ps: i love you seonho youngmin haknyeon dongho jonghyun samuel minki hyeongseob & sewooon :-) and all my other baby trainees i will support you all no matter what x (esp seonho;;; noona is waiting for you! i love you baby chick)