i miss you, i love you | park jihoon

twenty two

song #22: too much to ask- niall horan

may 30th, 2016, 7:43pm

"jihoon," the girl sniffed, finally looking up. her face was covered with tears, as they began to continue to roll down her once, flawless skin; now covered with makeup to cover up the bruises, but failed to an extent.

"i'm going to miss you," she sobbed and she managed a final smile, "but always remember, i love you." and then it was black.

the trio remained silent for awhile. nina and jinyoung turned to jihoon in concern— he had just witnessed a big part of doyeon's brutal murder, what was there to feel anymore?

"jihoon—" jinyoung touched jihoon's shoulder but the older boy flinched from his touch. "don't touch me," his eyes were beginning to redden as he suddenly slammed his fists on the table. "i-i, that bastard," he stuttered, his body shaking feverishly.

"m-my doyeon, he just—" the mention of her name was enough to send him crumbling down. his expression, once with anger, had been redrawn to be of overwhelming grief. "d-doyeon," he continued to repeat her name, every repetition making his voice go higher, until it reached a cry— of anguish and pain. 

with that, jihoon began to cry out every ounce of his heart out, the pain he had been holding for so long— he had been crying in small parts, but now the profuse sorrow was all in one. it was unbearable for the boy. 

"i want to die," he murmured in between his sobs, and nina immediately embraced the broken boy in her arms and brushed his hair reassuringly. "jihoon, don't ever say that again—"

"—i want to die, nina," he repeated, and nina stopped brushing his hair. "if i die, i can be with my doyeon again, and we can be happy again, and there will be nobody to separate again." 

nina felt her heart ache a little at that— it felt as if it was impossible for jihoon to forget his first love. she would always be a second, in everything. but she had to remain strong, for jihoon. she had to hold her own pain in, for jihoon. she had to pretend it didn't hurt her because of how much she loved, for jihoon.

"jihoon, why don't you go and rest, i'll make you some miso soup," she suggested and the vulnerable boy in her arms sniffed. he hugged her tighter and shook his head slowly. nina sighed as she stood up, still cradling him in her arms. jinyoung could not help but smile at the adorable sight before him. "i'll carry him," jinyoung opened his arms and jihoon turned around to face him. 

"bitch, i ain't a baby, i can walk," he snapped and ran to the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. soft sobs could be heard from the living room, and nina let out a deep sigh. jinyoung noticed her change in mood and turned to face her. 

"you okay?" he asked out of concern and nina let a tear roll down her face. she chuckled sadly and quickly wiped her tears from her face. "i'm sorry, jinyoung," she looked down and sniffed, "i'm sorry i can't be the girl of jihoon's dreams— i'm sorry i can't be as good as doyeon."

jinyoung frowned. "but that's why jihoon loves you— because you're not her. you're not her, but you're still there for him no  matter what," he states and places a hand on her shoulder. "thank you, for being another pillar of support for him. he's so damn broken, it's just that he does not show it, okay? don't worry, he loves you very much."

however, nina didn't seem convinced. "it's alright, jinyoung— i'll know when my job is done," she earned a questioning look from the taller boy and she clarified herself, "i think he'll feel lighter and happier once he finds out who is behind this, i doubt i'll need to be here for him anymore right?" 

jinyoung opened his mouth to speak, but nina held a hand up. "it's okay, jinyoung, you don't need to say anything," she choked on her tears, "i'll make a move after making the miso soup for jihoon, okay? you go check on him." and with a final sad smile, she turned her back on jinyoung and walked to the kitchen, sighing as she tied her hair into a bun— obviously pulling her hair up to relieve her of her frustration.

jinyoung walked into the bedroom and was shocked to see jihoon sitting up. he had a blank expression. jinyoung began to panic. "jihoon, what are you—"

"—i heard everything, jinyoung. it's fine," he shrugged as he met his best friend's gaze, before pulling the covers and turned to his side, his back facing jinyoung.

what the younger boy was oblivious to, was jihoon's tears falling continuously from his eyes. was it really so hard to love somebody back when there is another person at the back of your mind?

-

may 31st, 2016, 10:03am

jihoon groggily got up from his bed and rubbed his eyes. he walked out of the bedroom and the first thing he saw was a covered bowl. he opened it, and the savoury aroma of the homemade miso soup wavered into his nostrils. 

he caught sight of a small sticky note next to the bowl of soup. it was in nina's handwriting.

good morning! i'll be off to work today, you don't need to pick me up today :-)
besides, i think my job is more or less than done soon, 

don't you think? 
will miss you today, i love you! 
-nina

-

why did this chapter end up being so long

but this will be the last update i guess :( please don't forget this book though, and mark your calendars for november 17th!! i'll be back in action and will be updating really frequesntly so weewoo stay hyped for that!

if you havent seen my message board, check out my pal haechanthevisual 's new book two sides pls, it'll mean the world to her :-))

& do check out my new choi bomin (STAN GNCD!!!) fic that will be updated after my exams as well :)) & btw still not over the fact that karaoke is ranked im—

stay smelly

love, twinkle.