Forever Free

Heartache

I fucked up.
Yet again.
What can I say.
It's my specialty;
Ruining things.

Everything was great and then boom.
Suddenly out of no where everything starts regressing.
Farther back than where we started.

I don't need validation to know it's me.
I'm always the problem.
Toxic is what you call me.

I hate myself.
I don't deserve shit.
It's probably best he distances himself now.
I'm nothing.
A problem waiting to happen.
So, good for him.

Is my happiness really too much to ask for?

I don't understand how I give him so much power over me.
And the sad thing was, I really was happy.
Smiles and hugs and laughter.
I even trusted enough to open up just a little bit.

How could I not know there wasn't going to be a catch.
Tease me with his playfulness.
Trust!
And shut me out.
Ignore me.
Block me out.
It hurts.
But I deserve it.

Fuck it all!
I'm disappointed yet again.
Why do I do this to myself?
What did I do that was so bad I need to be punished like this?