United [A Superhero AU] - Book Two

Chapter Thirty-Four - Helpful Talks and Painful Resurgences

Mark sits at the table, staring off into space and tapping his pencil on the table. Matthias told him to busy himself with plans so he'd stop moping, but it's not like he can focus anyway. If Jack came home, they'd both be better off.  Lately, he's been the only person on Mark's mind.  The last kiss he gave him has been like a ghost on the hero's lips, making him miss him even more.

"Mark, can I talk to you?"

The American shakes himself out of his headspace and glances over to see Felix standing there, his blue eyes filled with an unreadable mixture of emotions. He shifts slightly, setting his pencil down on the table and nodding. Felix sits down beside him and rests his clasped hands on the table.

"What is it?" Mark asks.

"I'm worried about you." Felix huffs a little and ruffles his blond hair. "I'm not an idiot, Mark. I can tell when you aren't sleeping and I know when you aren't okay. Your only focus is on Jack's wellbeing and whether he's okay that you aren't taking care of yourself, and it's eating away at you."

Mark watches him, about to argue, before closing his mouth again. Felix has always had a talent for seeing through façades, and Mark hasn't been trying very hard for the past few days to look happy either. "I know... I just don't know what else to do. My nightmares have gotten so bad lately, and when Jack was here it was easier to put my issues on the back burner because dealing with his was easier. Without him here, I've only gotten worse." He swallows hard and stares down at the table. "I don't know how to be okay."

"It's hard. Believe me, I know that dealing with your own problems is hard," Felix replies. "There are so many days where I wake up and expect Marzia to be there and when she's not, I feel like I'm falling apart and I don't know how to put myself back together. But you have to think of yourself first sometimes. You need to cope, and you're extremely lucky to have Jack with you for emotional support most of the time."

"I thought you hated Jack."

"No, I'm just..." Felix sighs and stands, moving to the kitchen and starting a pot of coffee. Mark follows, leaning against the counter and watching his every movement. "I don't know how I feel. I just want you to take care of yourself, and your lack of self-care has only been more evident with Jack absent."

"I'm trying, Felix. I really am. I just don't want to cling and burden Jack when he already has so much on his plate. If he's scared of coming back because of the rebels, I don't want to drag him here and make him panic."

"He cares about you, Mark. If you're there, he'll be fine. And if it becomes too much, you two can go elsewhere for a bit.  If he panics, you can bring him out of it."

Mark nods, and after a few minutes of waiting the coffee maker beeps. Felix pours two mugs and hands the American one, which Mark gladly accepts. He loads it with cream and sugar before wrapping his fingers around the warm cup, taking a sip and following the Swede back to the table.

"I don't think he's getting better," Mark comments, swirling the liquid in his mug. "He was sleeping more when he was here, but after our blowup about the plans and the overall events happening back at the NAI building... the anxiety gets a hold on him and I can't be there to help right now."

"Mark." Felix locks eyes with the American, his expression serious. "You two have to talk about your issues and resolve them together. Listen to each other, about both the good and the bad, without getting mad or brushing off each other's concerns. That will help both of your mental states, because if yours is this bad his isn't any better."

"You have more relationship experience than I do," Mark says with a short laugh. "Thank you, though. Seriously. This helps."

"You're welcome."

Mark exhales lightly and sips his coffee before speaking again. "How are you holding up, Felix?"

"Not very well.  Sometimes it's okay, and other times it feels hopeless." He shrugs a bit and picks at the glaze of his mug, his gaze trained on the table. "I think we all have trauma that we're refusing to recognize."

Mark nods in silent agreement, occupying himself with the cup in front of him. Felix does the same, and after several moments of silence he finally speaks again.

"Matthias has nightmares too, you know. It's not just us and Phil. He saw everything through the lens of a camera. Everything. He barely sleeps, and he rarely goes home to his wife and daughter or even MENTIONS them because he's afraid they'll get roped in somehow." Felix shakes his head slightly, his fingers tense around the handle of his mug. "We're all so freaking messed up."

"I know," Mark mumbles. "Christ, we really are a mess."

The Swede chuckles, although the sound is void of any real joy. "Yeah."

——

Jack, I'm still mad at you for closing off my passage to freedom.

The Irishman, his heart pounding in his ears, stares at the blank, white wall beside his bed.

Jack, listen to me. I'm right here~

Anti's voice is singsongy in his head, and Jack finds that although he hates it, he doesn't have the energy to fight it.

Are you gonna let me talk for once? Ooh, this is fun. I like this. It's been a long time since I've had free-rein over your pretty little head and I am going to enjoy it. Marky-Mark's on the brain, Jackaboy? I figured as much. I tried to wreck that whole thing, but you just love each other too much. What a pain. The turmoil in your brain is fun though! Oh Jack, we could have so much fun if you just let me loose...

"Shut up, Anti," Jack murmurs, tears welling in his eyes. He wipes them away lazily, but finds his hand falling away before he can get rid of them all.

Don't be mean, Jackaboy. You can't see it, but I'm pouting. I'm very upset.

"Fuck off."

Hey! That's a bad word.

"Anti, just go away! I don't want to deal with you right now!"

You're no fun.

A sob escapes Jack lips and he curls up, covering his mouth with his hand. His heart aches horribly and Anti's voice only serves to heighten his anxiety. Mark would be much better to hold right now than the pillow he has clutched to his chest.  Anti sighs.

And now you're crying. Come on, Jack. Grow some balls and become the sassy, cold-hearted villain you were back in the good ol' glory days.

"That wasn't me, that was who I thought I had to be. I know better now. Please leave."

No. I don't feel like it.

Jack clutches his pillow tighter to his chest and shuts his eyes. Behind closed lids, he can almost see Anti's mismatched, multicoloured gaze staring back at him. His heart skips a beat and his eyes fly open again, his breathing shaky and shallow. He needs Mark so badly, but he's so afraid of going back. Red was ready to kill him and the other rebels may be close behind with the exception of Lili. He can't risk running into Red without Mark there to protect him.

So he just lies there, letting the tears stream down his face as he listens to Anti's unending taunts.