Cupid's Contract

Jack and The Giant Peach

By the time Eve left work that evening she was beat.

The paperwork had been overwhelming, with more convuluted sentences than a dissertation, and the writer hadn't inserted a single pun, to Eve's dismay. She fully understood now the history of Harper's House and still wasn't sure why they were having a meeting. At no point had a list of objectives been announced, or even a question mark been present.

Furthermore, as she wearily let herself into Grandma Roxy's house, she hadn't heard even a whisper regarding Luke and Veronica. She had peeked around every corner, terrified of running into an irate Veronica and worried about bumping into Andrew and making a fool of herself again. It was like playing a game of Truth or Dare with the mean girls, no matter the door you chose to open you wouldn't like the outcome.

She was looking forward to relaxing with a home cooked meal, before toddling back to her own house for a nice long bath, but from the moment she entered the childhood kitchen it became clear that relaxing wasn't an option tonight.

Crowded around a laptop so old it may as well have had an antenna, were three giddy women. The loudest of the bunch, Barbara, shrieked as Eve entered the kitchen.

"Eeeeeeve! I am on Tinder and they love me!" Her mother was reaching a decibel only Sharapova could acquire, and it set off her friends too, like a mating call. They dissolved into giggles again and Eve couldn't help but wonder if this was what Andrew had seen when she was cackling in the office canteen. A shudder whipped through her. No wonder he looked so uncomfortable.

"Tinder? I thought that was an app? You can do it on laptops now as well?" She hadn't the gag reflex to ask who 'they' were and why they loved her mother. "You ladies have been busy!"

Helen, the older of her mother's two cronies, beamed up at her. "No, Guinevere, Tinder is only on phones. You can't swipe on a computer." Her tone implied that she thought Eve a little dim, and was weary from educating those behind the times such as her friend's daughter. "We're steeping on Facebook now. It's important to know who Barbara is going to date."

"Steeping?" If Eve's face looked half as bewildered as she felt, it might break.

Margaret popped up now, allowing Helen to take over the mouse and the other two whispered gleefully as she patiently explained. "Steeping, Eve, is when you find someone online and stalk them. You can find out quite a lot, you know. Jack is a vegan, for instance. That wasn't on his Tinder, now was it?"

They meant creeping. These women were creeping on men on Facebook and they were calling it 'steeping' and they were having the best time of their lives.

"You see, if we hadn't steeped in Jack, we'd never know that Barbara was going to a vegan restaurant for their date. Now, she knows to bring snacks and have a hearty breakfast beforehand!"

Eve was alarmed, to say the least. "Hang on, you're going on a date? Who is this Jack person?"

Barbara didn't even look up from the laptop. "Well, I swiped on him, and he must have swiped on me, because now we're going for lunch tomorrow. He's vegan, and he's just turned sixty, so I'm sure he'll have loads to talk to me about."

"What? Like dentures? You're not even fifty!"

Barbara, indignant, finally looked up. "He certainly does not have dentures, Eve. That's terrible talk! Marge checked his Amazon account and he hasn't ever ordered any dental equipment. Besides, I'm sure he'll have loads of questions for me. Sixty is a great age for medical ailments. Anyway, he said my photo was nice and sent me a picture of a peach. I've always loved peaches. They're my third favourite fruit."