Cupid's Contract

Don't Drink and Delegate

"You're early, I like that in an employee." Cupid was suave on the drop of a hat.

Grandma Roxy didn't have the same reflexes. "I'm so sorry, we can explain everything! What the blazing saddles happened to your eye?"

Eve scowled. "It's not important, it's dead."

"Dead?!" Roxy shrieked, rushing towards her with outstretched hands.

"No, not dead, dyed. Sorry, I don't know, I really need to pee."

Cupid gestured to a door off to the side. "There's a bathroom in there, if you'd like."

Eve weighed up her options. She could stand here and make them spill the beans, her position was strong considering she'd ambushed them. However, there was only so much domination possible when you were standing in a puddle of your own urine.

"Don't. Move. A. Muscle." She scowled, and then limped towards the bathroom. As she tugged the cool gold handle she heard one of them whisper. She gave an almighty pull and barked over her shoulder, "and don't listen to me pee."

She was prone to toilet anxiety.

The bathroom was more luxurious than she could conjure in her wildest dreams. The sink and toilet made from the purest white marble she had ever seen, the toilet paper scented like a aromatherapy shop. But Eve couldn't relax. She did her business, washed her hands and patted at the concealer around her eye. Wringing her hands on the plush towels, she pumped a ludicrous amount of moisturiser into her palms, and proceeded to moisturise herself up to the elbows.

Yeah, she was angry, but she wasn't insane. The dude had fancy creams and she wasn't sure she'd ever gain access to this inner sanctum again. Plus, the packaging was La Mer. No wonder Cupid never aged. It was a pity she didn't have her big handbag with her, or she'd have put the whole bottle in it.

"Ok, how the hell do you two know each other?" She tried to cross her arms, to regain her position of dominance, but her arms were all greasy now and her hands slid along them like oiled pipes.

"Why have you gone all shiny?" Cupid didn't look even remotely intimidated.

"It's the La Mer, isn't it?" Her grandmother crowed, clasping her hands together.

"How long have you two been in cahoots?" She was scowling again, her hands on her hips, leaving greasy stains on her dress.

"Oh, love, it's not like that!" Roxanne started to protest but Cupid cut across her.

"Since the beginning."

Roxanne gasped in innocent denial, and both Cupid and Eve shot her a look that sent her into grumpy silence.

"Go on," Eve resisted the urge to knead her forearms. The thick cream was all that was keeping her calm.

"Right, let's be honest love, you obviously needed the help, but you weren't actually part of the plan."

"Plan?" She ground out the words through gritted teeth, and then massaged her elbows in soothing circles.

"You weren't supposed to get the locket. It was for your mum."

"Mum? What has she got to do with this?" Were they all in this together? The betrayal made her lungs clench.

"No, she's oblivious, as usual. But as poor as your romantic entanglements are your mother is, what's the polite way to put it?" He trailed off, and Roxanne piped up.

"Diabolical. Lamentable. Piteous."

Eve glared at her and she mimed zipping her lips and throwing away the key.

"So Annie here left the locket out for your mum. She's been wanting to retire anyway, so it's no big shakes, but you all got stinking ossified that night and, in a rare turn of events, your mum actually went to bed first, unaware of everything."

It was true. That night, in the attic, her mother had conceded to sangria before Eve and Grandma had. It was a rare first, an event that Eve could count the occurrence of on one hand.

"And you found the locket, instead of your mother."

"That's hardly my fault," Roxanne muttered under her breath.

"We don't drink and delegate jewellery, Roxanne. You know this." Cupid admonished her, a teasing glint in his eye.

"But I have to be honest, Guinevere, I'm quite pleased with the outcome. Your mother was next in line but she's a terrible flirt and she loves her job. She would never have progressed this quickly. You, on the other hand, hated your job and can't flirt to save your life. It's a great combination for matchmaking."

"I don't understand. What does my job have to do with this?" Somehow she was more confused than before she entered the room.

"Your mother needed to stay at the practice, that's where her love line pointed. Yours is different. By acquiring you, we managed to sort your mother out without torturing her with the details."

"Acquired? I'm not some purebred horse! Torture is right! All I've done since we met is question everything!" She was getting worked up and her mind was whirling at full tilt. The information was overloading her but even through the confusion she felt the disappointment. Her mother needed to keep her job because that's where her 'love line' pointed. Eve's didn't... because Drew was not on her love line.

"And why are you even here?" She turned towards Roxanne again.

"Well, I wanted to chat with you on your first day... Explain some things..." Rueful, with her big eyes unblinking up at Eve.

"Oh, right. Explain some things. This felt like a good time, did it? Not yesterday when you kicked me out of your house? Or the last month when all I've done is wear this locket and ruin my career?"

"I'm sorry, love, but it's all part of the journey. The Bearer has to figure it out themselves... all of our line has."

"But today seemed like a good day to do it? Visit me at my new job?" Eve was losing steam, but the timbre in her voice was still ice cold.

"Well I thought it'd be awkward if we bumped into each other on the floor..."

"Pardon?"

"I haven't fully retired, Eve. I'm part-time. We're going to be colleagues." Roxanne had the audacity to look excited at the prospect.

Sweet Baby Jesus, take the wheel and turn this car around.