Mine // Carl Gallagher

Chapter 37

A/N: U guys inspire me, thank u

Sophia avoided eye contact when he slightly called her out for covering up how she was really feeling. She was trying to convince herself that she was okay, like every bad thing that was happening, wasn't happening. But, obviously, she wasn't doing that good of a job with keeping a happy face. She didn't want to face the fact that her dad was murdered and she's covering it up, that her mom was in jail, that she didn't have a lot of friends other than the Gallaghers and maybe a couple girls at school, and that she was so, so insecure. The girl had a lot of pain left inside. She was left traumatized from her childhood with no apologizes or restoration from those who hurt her the most over the years.

It was late-ish at night and they were sitting up in bed with the covers over their legs, them facing each other for conversation. She said, "Carrrlll I'm okayyy. Please, just drop it. I'm happy. I've got you and that's all that matters. You've got a lot of stuff to deal with and think about, I don't want to burden you and create more problems that aren't there." He rolled his eyes and took her hand in his hand, "No matter what I'm dealing with, you will never... ever be a burden. You matter so much to me. Whatever you're feeling, I want to know.. and I can just tell that you're not okay."
"Carl I said drop it."
"Please, be honest with me. Tell me what's on your mind or what's hurting you, I want to fix it and make it better."
"I don't need you to fix me, Carl!! Leave me.. alone. I am- ... fine."

They quickly shut down the rising tension with silence. There wasn't one sound in the whole house (except for the heat kicking back on). Sophia's already dark eyes had deepened with guilt. He looked down at her hand that he was still holding for some reason, but it was clear he was growing angry. Carl let go and dropped her hand, avoiding eye contact. She said softly, "Im sorry, Carl. I didn't mean what I said."
"The part about you being all happy n shit? Obviously."
"No... the part about me wanting you to leave me alone and you needing to fix me.."
"You're such a hypocrite. All you've been doing is trying to fix me. You're telling me you want me to stop smoking, partying, dealing drugs, and all the shit I've been doing long before I met you. You don't get to come into my life and expect me to drop everything and change into a totally new person."
"I don't think you understand, Carl! I ask you to do those things for US. So that we can grow old together and be stable and safe. So that you're not always out risking your life and doing shit that could tear us apart. You know that I don't want you to be a different person. I would go find someone else if I didn't like you for how you already are. I'm just trying to help us both out."
"You... want to grow old together?"
"Is that seriously all you got from what I just said, Carl?"
"No but- I never knew you.. shit."
"What? You think we're gonna be a temporary thing?"
"No no no it's- I've never.. fuck I don't know."
"Okay.. well yeah. I want to grow old with you. Is that a problem? Cus that's why I care so fucking much. I love you too much to sit back and watch you get into trouble."

He didn't know what to say. Carl wasn't one to look that deep into the future or plan for it. He lived by the minutes and just went with it. He's never, ever had a relationship (beside Sophia) last more than a month, so it was hard for him to imagine spending the rest of his life with her. But, he could see it happening. The idea sparked a whole new light in him, just something went off that had changed him in that moment. The tension was back down yet it wasn't totally normal, but it was more comfortable in the room.

Sophia was looking down and playing with an old ring she's had on her middle finger since she was 14, "I didn't know you knew me that well... to tell that I've been acting different. I thought I was doing an okay job of covering it all up."
"I could tell from the very second, Soph. Everything about you changed when... well when things started to change. I'm begging you to open up to me."
"I know... I know. It's just that- I'm not sad that my dad is dead or that my mom is in jail. All I've ever wanted was for them to just- disappear. To get the hell out of my life, no matter how it was done. I'm just mainly so upset and hurt that I never got an apology from either one. All along they knew what they were doing to me was wrong, they just didn't have the balls or the heart to admit it. And they never even tried to make it better. Neither one gave a flying fuck about me. It just sucks when everything comes back to me at night."

A/N: Sorry this was a weird spot to end it but it's late at night and i'm super tired so imma just publish it now and continue it in the next update lol goodnight 💖