Always, Amanda

Letter 2

Dear Alexander,

Hi!

How are you doing?

The weather is so gloomy today but thanks the heavens I am having my day off right now or else I’ll be a grumpy company to people and it might not be a good idea – you know, with my temper and all. Anyway, I made myself a cup of hot cocoa and it’s the best during this overcast day. I am really enjoying my drink but out of the blue, my mind is reeling me back to the past like a kick in the gut and nostalgia is hitting me up so hard.

I guess, drinking hot chocolate during gloomy day is like thinking of you – happiness and melancholy coming hand in hand.

So I am thinking and wondering...do you have any recollection of when we first met?

I mean when we were just silly kids and not during our unforgettable fifth grade.

I cannot remember saying ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello’ to you the first time or if we even introduced or greeted each other or not. But I actually have three distinct memories of you during our childhood that made me realize you were atleast part of my early days. I didn’t know why it stuck in my young mind until now, but hey, I supposed my subconscious mind knew you were going to be a part of my history even before my consciousness registered it. They were short memories and vague ones but nonetheless, you were there.

I don’t know what event happened first but maybe it was when we were partnered for a school dance as part of special program for finishing kindergarten. I knew it was ages ago but it stuck on my mind because during the actual performance, we were doing a horrible job of dancing and we were far from being in sync and although the parents thought it was entertaining, I was actually embarrassed at that young age of six. I didn’t know you were my partner until I glanced frustratingly at the boy who made me feel like crying and wanting to leave the stage as soon as possible. I didn’t even know we were on the same class back then.

The next time I saw you I guess was during that summer of 1995 at the corner store owned by Mr. Brown. You were buying candies with your mom and I was with my cousins just passing by the store. This might come as weird but, I really remember what you were wearing that time but I couldn’t even remember mine. You were wearing a white shirt over your black shorts as you were standing by the displays of candy jars, pointing to Mr. Brown what you liked. I remembered you even when I only saw your side profile because I wasn’t still over that embarrassing dance number.

Finally, before we grew up and things became complicated, I committed you to memory during our first grade when you gave me a cone of ice cream and I was just so happy to be eating such sweet treat. It was your birthday and since your family was moving out of town during the summer, I guessed your parents treated the whole class for an afternoon of ice cream. I wasn’t aware you were my classmate until that point really. Figured, I was busy hating that one boy in our class. Do you remember Henry? I guessed not. He never stuck around town after fourth grade before your return. He was this obnoxious boy who told our classmates that he kissed me in the cheek when in reality it wasn’t even true. I turned my face away before his lips came near my face. That’s when I started not playing with boys.

Whew, good old times! The nostalgia is hitting me hard right now. I hope you could tell me also if you have any memories between us when we were younger – I’m just plain curious, that’s all.

Well, you might be saying “What the hell is wrong with this woman?” right now while reading my letter. And I am actually telling that to myself as well as I am composing this but...what the hell, right?

I just wanted to ask, do you have any experience of having recurrent dreams about a particular person from your past?

Because that’s exactly what is happening to me and I will not hold my breath over thinking that yesterday was the last. I have enough to write a novel for it.

I want some closure.

And if me, going back in time, relieving some memories – bad or good – just to write to you letters to seek some answers from you for that closure, then I’ll gladly do it.

I bid you goodbye for now and have a nice day ahead!

Always,
Amanda

 

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