Always, Amanda

Letter 7

Dear Alexander,

Hi!

How are you in that side of the world? Your mom’s worried about you – according to her not so many Facebook posts. I know it’s weird we are FB friends but I guess, what happened in the past was between you and I only. Our common friends and the parents were and are still out of that equation, it was only our issues, our differences.

I had such conflicting emotions that day of separation. Graduation has this thing of pulling out at odds feelings from people. I was excited to start high school in a new school but it was poignant to think of some of my friends I would be missing. I was aware that we were going to attend different schools but the impact of that reality was harder to accept when that time came. Of course, I would still be seeing you around in the area and well, our family attended the same church. However, it wasn’t the same as seeing you every day in school hallways. I was going to miss you.

It was funny though, I only had this crush on you – a childhood crush – and I still hadn’t fully grasp the dynamics between a girl and a boy until you came along and then had to go our separate ways faster than I would like. I didn’t know what you were feeling at that moment and I am curious right now.

Anyway, being in secondary level was another page of new learning. I made a lot of friends and I knew you did too. Your cousin, Brent, was still a pain in the ass and was still lazy doing his homework but I was glad we ended up in the same school and class. I wondered why you went to school in another town but I guess it wouldn’t make a difference now, would it?

Brent was a shameless flirt in our school – you can tell him that when you see him next because I know that he knew it too – but he was such adorable with still his chubby cheeks that in the end, I didn’t dare left him to fend for himself alone in high school especially when it came to school works. He would pester me anyway so I just let him copy some of my assignments especially in Math, but when it came to an exam, that’s when he only had himself. Brent was sort of my connection to the primary friends and since he was such a social butterfly, he used to give me some updates from our common friends from time to time. I was such an introvert back then so I actually resorted to writing letters to friends with those cute stationeries.

Man, I missed those times, when cellular phones weren’t much part of people’s everyday life and writing letters and having pen pals were the “it” thing. I remembered buying pretty and scented stationary papers after school and then spending what was left of my allowance to buying glittery gel pens. Sending and receiving letters from friends and even from people I wasn’t familiar with at first were kind of exhilarating and nervous-inducing. You wouldn’t know if the person you sent letters to would reply to you or not and it was fun reading stories of people I didn’t interact with on a daily basis, figuring out the different hand-writings and smelling the scents of pens and papers. I remembered having pen pals from the same secondary school you were attending. It was an amusing distraction from some petty things that came from growing up. I still have those letters back in the old house.

The usual clichés and competitions in high school were really something and I realized that it was a turning point that would craft a teenager to make or break it in the future. High school sucked the innocence from poor unsuspecting students. However, it’s a stepping stone to honing a person’s qualities, attitudes and ideals, and I had a lot of learning to do what I had to do.

I saw a lot of students dating and flirting with each other and when it came to it, your presence came to mind most of the time. I wondered hopelessly how it would feel like if we attended the same high school together...would we eventually be a couple? (Hah, excuse my being too assuming here.) Or maybe, it would actually separate us as we would be introduced to a couple of people our ages and discover that we wouldn’t click at all. Our separated ways, I guessed, was a blessing in disguise because you, being far away from me lead to had you a mysterious effect on me thus fuelling my growing attraction for you at that time.

Of course, your cousin, being a good friend to me as he was, kept on blabbering about you so I still got some updates about what was going on with your life at that time. I didn’t even know why Brent was telling me about you, but I was happy nonetheless. And besides, I was actually looking forward to going to church every Sunday just to see you – even your side profile was enough. Ha-ha.

Time flew fast it seemed until I noticed that the letters exchanged between my friends and I became scarce, replaced by the exchanges of phone numbers and the flooding of my inbox with lots of chain messages and text quotes. Text mates replaced pen pals. I was excited at first, especially when I got my first phone but I must admit that I missed those days of exchanging letters especially whenever I saw my stationary papers getting dust on the corner of my study table.

It was such a nostalgic feeling.

Sigh, I miss those old times.

Now, you are in the marines, and me? Well, I am a nurse.  And I realized none of us really talked before about what we wanted to be in the future.

Stay safe wherever you are.

Always,
Amanda 

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