Always, Amanda

Letter 10

Dear Alexander,

Hey!

Are you taking care of yourself right there?

Are you scared being there in the warzone?

I am scared right now.

The family that I thought was perfect, now slowly disintegrating upon my eyes. I learned from my older sister, Tasha that our parents just had a very public spat yesterday and now they are sleeping in different bedrooms and are not talking to each other anymore. I wasn’t there to witness it all happening but I bet they’ll be the talk of the town now – the townsfolk always gossip. I pity my sister still living there. That’s one of the reasons I left town. I hate gossips.

And what gossip we made when people learned we were dating at such young age!

I remembered that very morning. I woke up and looked myself in the mirror. Grinning at my reflection, I couldn’t believe it was the first morning I was already dating the boy I had a long time crush on. It was a dream came true and I was giddy the whole day. Throughout that day, I kept asking myself if I was supposed to feel something really special – well, aside from liking you too much and grinning like a fool whenever I thought of you.

But it felt normal...I felt normal thinking that you were my boyfriend already. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

I was always complaining about that old habit of my older sister before. She was constantly texting someone and her phone were always beeping with new messages. I remember, our parents were scolding her one time during dinner when she couldn’t seem to part from the said device even when eating. However, I became subjected to the same predicament when we started dating. I finally knew that feeling, that anticipation with receiving messages from someone so dear. The ping of my phone, especially if it was you messaging me, was like music to my ears. Ha-ha. 

I remember telling you not to broadcast our relationship to others. I was afraid what my parents would tell me. We were too young to be in the business of dating really. If they ever told me to stay away from you at that time, I wouldn’t know what to do. Good thing we didn’t come to that part.

But it was hard hiding our relationship.

I had to duck under the blanket to answer your call at night so that no one would hear me. I had to make excuses and reasons just to go to the other town so we could spend a day together. It was fun though, like finally I felt like rebelling against something or someone, my turbulent stage. And then going to church every afternoon for the holy rosary became like an excuse to see you, like an alibi. Now, that part, I hope God have forgiven us for that. Especially since we made the church like our dating place. That was really disrespectful of us. But then again, we were still clueless teenagers back then who were caught up in the exhilarating storm of being with someone, the newness of being in a relationship.

Our names that we carved out on that last pew inside the church, they weren’t there anymore. The council decided to refurbish the church just a few years ago, maybe at that time when we were in college. What a shame though, it was the remembrance of when we first kissed, a small shy peck on the lips that nonetheless made my pulse racing.

I just thought, how many people do you think saw our initials carved in that wooden furniture? But then we didn’t have to worry about hiding for long. We couldn’t really conceal that we were dating already when our friends from the school and the youth members saw our closeness. And then that escalated quickly after that, the townsfolk were giving us weird funny faces while shaking their heads, if you were even aware of that.

I finally confided with my parents about us. You can’t imagine how scared I was! It felt like I was confessing a big sin. With trembling hands that I kept under the dinner table, I forced myself to admit the fact that I was dating you. My sister was snickering at the side, enjoying the predicament I was in. You know, to lessen the blow – as if I could lower the bad weight of underage dating – I introduced you as the son of that Mr. Lopez, the banker. Ha-ha, as if that helped. I didn’t know what I was thinking at that time and I think I actually blabbered a lot. But you know what, in the end my parents just sat there with their serious faces and told me to focus on my studies.

They never told me to stop dating you.

And I was glad.

How did your parents react to our dating then though? I never got to ask you that question by the way because they were nice to me when I came to your house during your sixteenth birthday. Sorry, I wasn’t prepared to lead that prayer when we were about to start your birthday celebration. In my nervousness, I ended up saying the ‘grace before meal’ prayer and forgotten to wish you a good future and life instead. That was embarrassing though, like could I be more original than that; totally not my best moment in front of your parents.

The moments we shared, the holding hands while walking, the stolen kisses, the sweet talks and late night calls...they’re good and happy memories. And right now, thinking about them, I couldn’t help but sigh in wistfulness.

However, when there are good memories, expect those some bad reminiscences also.

But I cannot talk about them right now. I’m too emotional today to think the dire past because my present is enough to put me in a gloomy mood. Did I tell you already that I hate cheater the most?

I hate my father right now.

Always,
Amanda

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