BOYS OF SUBURBIA [boy x boy] [Wattys 2018]

✗ TWENTY-THREE ✗

Ever since then, Sebastian felt great.

He had everything he wanted- even if it wasn't in the way he wanted it to be, it was better than nothing.

The thing, or problem, about people, was that they think after they obtained what they want, they have this delusion that they would finally be happy. But humans were greedy creatures; humans will never be satisfied and happy with what they have because there was always more and they would always want more. It was this relentless, limitless pursuit for better, which would explain why people cheat or steal or kill- because they were so desperate for better. And Sebastian knew this already really.

He didn't expect his life of routines and monotone boredom to suddenly change. He didn't expect that after Niko told him what he meant to him and after Niko kissed him that they would be able to escape to fantasy rainbow gay land and live forever happily ever after.

But really, the whole routine of boringness was made better whenever he could make out with Niko behind the school bleachers, hear him gasp and moan when he sucked on that sweet spot as a cigarette hung out of his lips, spewing out smoke as they touched each other in forbidden places. His whole life was suddenly saturated in colour, the grey taken away by this new thing in his days.

"Sebastian, bloody hell, it's four in the afternoon on a Monday," Niko chuckled raspily when Sebastian greedily chucked Niko's shirt over the bed of Niko's room.

"So?" Sebastian pushed Niko onto the bed, letting the stronger boy land with a thump. As Sebastian latched Niko underneath his legs, he snatched the baggie of cocaine and began to pour a line on Niko's bare chest. Scrambling for a cigarette from the packet he kept in his pocket, he held it in between his fingers and pressed it onto Niko's skin. Niko's breath hitched and his next exhale was lost in a slight gasp as Sebastian snorted one good hit into the brain, then licked the nipple besides the unfinished line, eliciting a moan.

"Fuck, Sebastian," Niko buried his fingers in Sebastian's hair, bringing the boy closer so their lips brushed. Niko's volume lowered into a keen whisper: "You're so bad- you're so, so naughty-fuck- who would've known?"

No longer shy with the sex, Sebastian grinned in Niko's chest as he adjusted the cigarette to have another go. That was how they spend their afternoon. Forgetting about calculus and differential equations and the study lessons they were supposed to be conducting for promiscuous acts in the corners of their room. They licked and kissed and did lines on each other's bodies and explored and loved and smoked and felt each other up and drank, enjoying each other in the haze of their high and intoxication.

Sebastian could've sworn he was in love. I love you, I love you, I love you. Sebastian thought as he kept kissing Niko on his neck, his jaw, his chest. He wanted this to last forever. Forever and ever. Sebastian lifted his mouth off the corner of Niko's lips to drink the sight of Niko lying lazily on his bed, legs tangled with his own. Sebastian studied and observed him, imprinting his mannerisms; from how his smile was just as crooked as his personality with a vacant sadness of a faded Coney Island picture postcard to how he walked with a slight skip in his ankles, how his shoulders filled out the navy blue and white striped shirt he wore to how his eyelashes were so fucking long that a girl would've died of jealousy. But Sebastian also noticed how Niko wasn't perfect. 

He had acne. He liked to burn things. He probably has a drug problem. He was shaped by other people's opinions and seemed unable to possess his own, following what others thought was cool, which was seen when Roger called Sebastian a faggot and Niko was too terrified to defend him. Niko cared too much about what other people thought of him. His mother was a crack whore. His father never came home. His brother was dead. His sister was desperately trying and failing to keep everything together.  And his grades weren't looking too sharp. 

But still, Sebastian didn't know much about Niko. He knew that Niko had a sister and a mother and a father that was never around. Niko always spoke bitterly about both of them- about how his mother was a cunt and his father left them to rot after his brother's death. But that was it. Niko never talked about it. He never talked about his brother, the way he died, or spared details about what exactly happened to his fractured family. Sebastian could relate. Sebastian could understand what it was like to have troubles in your life that you didn't want to talk about. So personally, Sebastian was happy enough to keep his lips zipped and enjoyed Niko's mouth and hands. He didn't make him feel uncomfortable, blissfully ignoring Niko's  mysterious home life and pyromaniac obsession and played Assassin's Creed,  smoke weed and snort cocaine with him. And Sebastian didn't mind leaving it like that. 

There was no need to complicate things by sorting out their crumbling lives. They could just live in this beautiful bubble of suburbia, where they were two teenage boys exploring their sexuality, playing video games and getting high. It could be just that. And they would never be anything more. 

"Niko! I need you to get here now!"

It was Rae's sister, her shrill voice carrying throughout the whole apartment. Sebastian shook out of his reverie, blinking. 

"Fuck, what is now?" Niko spat as he gently nudged Sebastian to stop peppering kisses along his jaw. He ungracefully clambered out of the bed, pants unbuttoned, showing a pair of plaid boxers, hair mussed up from the makeout. Niko called through the locked bedroom door of the apartment.

"Yeah, Rae? What is it?"

It took a while for Sebastian to remember who Rae was. Niko's sister. 'Rae' was short for Rachel. An image momentarily flashed in his mind. Short hair. Smiley face.

"It's...Mum."

"What happened?"

"I need you to call the ambulance."

Everybody froze, becoming still for a moment. Sebastian felt like the air was stolen with a single punch to the gut.

"What happened?"

"She...she overdosed."

Shit.

-

don't forget to vote, comment and share the love! i definitely added more weight to this chapter than the previous one because tbh, i feel like niko and sebastian's relationship is best summarized in this sentence 'two boys in a suburbia, exploring their sexuality, playing video games and getting high' which is extremely high school at best. Sebastian liked this stagnance, this 'settling down' and they never ever imagined a future together. 

Would they get married? What jobs would they have? And i think this book is so perfectly adolescent. and yes, it's sort of this subtle, slow plot that explores what it's like to be young and gay but it's also a point about how highschoolers view their relationships; that they're just happy hanging out, making out and getting mcdonalds together and one of the reasons why they don't last is because they don't prepare for anything more and they're happy just being together and ignoring their issues. 

sebastian and niko is basically an unhappy version of isakxevan (skam fans wassup???)

anyway dedicated to corvscant <3