Climbing The Steps Of Adulthood

Chapter 17: Turn Out To Be Nothing

Today I left the house.

The air is much fresher outside.

Lol.

It feels good. I feel refreshed.

Better even.

I guess crying does help a little after all.

I went to my grandmother's store today.

My sister was there as per usual in the evening.

My grandmother too.

They were using her hotspot. Typical
Penelope.

And they? well they are my sisters friends.

She's a lot more social than I am.
Has a lot more friends than I do too.

But she's always in malice with some.

Its time like those I'm glad for mine even though they might say some hurtful things even if they don't know they're doing it,

I bought food for me and her and we ate in silence.

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Remember how I said I was feeling refreshed and great and all that bull shyt uttered above this line?.

Yeah I take it all back. The day fcking sucked.

Today not only did I get an answer to how I'm feeling from Penelope.

It felt a lot worse.

She kept asking when I'm visiting our grandmother- fathers mother since I haven't in a long while.

I'm usually the one who pushes visiting.

I care about my elders.

Her on the other hand. Not so much

She's only pushing visiting my because our aunt in England sent clothes for us for months now and my grandmother keeps saying she has no time so maybe she'll have time this week.

Bare in mind she's retired and rares chicken and eggs.

So you can see why she's basically all up in my life.

My very boring life.

I kept telling her I'm not going but she wouldn't get it through her thick skull.

She kept asking why.

And I refused to share it.

You see my sister isn't the most trust worthy with information.

Well none of them are really.

I can't really talk to my family.

Which is why I

Love my friends.

if I were to get stabbed in the back by one of them I wouldn't survive it. I know that won't happen though.

I don't remember what she said that led me to say "I'm sorry for you when your my age" when she said something in regards to my grandmother.

She immediately blew up in My face.

Yup.

But I honestly wouldn't wish having people on my back like this forcing me to do what they want me to do like a puppet on a string even on person whom I'm not so fond of.

"Don't feel sorry for me because I'm not going to come out of school and be nothing like you just sit down everyday"

To say it didn't  sting like a bxch I would most definitely be lying.

It rendered me speechless.

Ripped out what little confidence in my self I had left.

I couldn't find words to back myself u, I retorted with a lame pathetic. Excuse like piece of shyt that I am.

"Do you think I asked for any of this? Do you think I wanted to as you say sit down and do nothing everyday? Let's hope you don't turn out like me. Its not easy getting a job in a economy like this when you're in my position you'll know let's hope you don't have to be".

"I'm going to pass all my exams and get a job".

"So I didnt pass mine huh?, well I wish you all! The best. Good luck. I'm just giving you a heads up".

Nothing was said after.

After that officially felt like the disappointment that I am. I guess that's what everyone is thinking.

They just won't openly voice it.

I deserve it.

Everything that's coming my way.

I went home early that day. And

You guessed it cried and got it out before my grandmother came.

It's a good thing I ate before hand because I've been losing my appetite a lot lately.

The sky isn't falling  and the world isn't ending.

But why do I feel lime mine is?.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.

You'll be fine. This situation is just temporary you will be fine.

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Whatever situation you might be going through at the moment just know.

If your head is screwed on right and you are determined to make it temporary and not permanent.

It will be.