HOPELESS ☾Peter Parker - 1

FORTY FIVE

Three days. It had been three days since the death of Aspen Blue and three days since Peter Parker had been back in New York. 

It was also three day since he had had contact with Tony Stark--or anyone for that matter. 

Aunt May was extremely worried about the boy. He wasn't talking to anyone, not even Ned, and was barely coming out of his room. He didn't speak with her like he used to, and his eyes seemed to be darker each time she looked at him. 

Peter didn't mean to make May upset--he didn't mean to do anything. He didn't want to do anything. 

All he could think about was her. 

The way her smile spread across her face, how her hands fit perfectly into his, the way her eyes lit up when she was excited; everything. 

But then he would think about her face as the light slowly faded from it. How she went perfectly still in his arms and took her final breath. 

She looked like an angel as she laid peacefully in his arms, so Peter decided to think of her as just that--an angel. 

The worst part was that he couldn't really talk about what happened. He couldn't tell the real story without involving details about his true whereabouts and his secret identity, and he hated himself for that. 

All three of the Blue's died that day and no one in the world knew about it. 

Well, no one except Peter Parker and Tony Stark.

There would be no funeral, no ceremony, and no words spoken by relatives because there were none. Aspen didn't have anyone but Peter, Tony, and her parents, but right now the two weren't even speaking to each other and the latter were dead as well. 

Tony Stark was avoiding the boy like he was the black plague and there was nothing Peter could do about it. 

The man couldn't look at Peter without thinking of her. He thought that it was his fault she was dead, for he should've never taken her to Nashville without going through every precaution he could think of. Tony didn't need this on his conscience, and being with Peter put that extra stress on his shoulders. 

So, when the man brought Peter home that fateful night, he explained to him that if he wanted any further contact with Stark Industries, it had to be through Happy Hogan. Peter could keep his suit and continue with his Spiderman endeavors, but he needed to leave Tony Stark out of it for the sake of his sanity. 

In that moment, Peter's soul was crushed. Not only had he lost the love of his life, but also his biggest dream: becoming an Avenger. 

So, Peter made a decision. When he got to his room, he threw the case that held his suit into the very back of his closet and slammed the door closed. 

He hadn't touched it since. 

Peter walked down the street silently. He had headphones in his ears, but no music was playing. He didn't want anyone to talk to him, which is why he wore them, but he didn't want to listen to anything either, for every lyric would be about Aspen. 

The Parker boy didn't know how long he had walk for, but when he looked up at his destination his face remained blank.

He gripped the item in his hand tighter and pushed through the doors, the soft ringing of a bell chiming through the air as he did. 

The boy made his way up to the counter and spoke to the worker, the sweet smells of Stacy's coffee shop calming his mind.

Without another unnecessary word, Peter walked over and sat down in a booth.

Their booth. 

He placed the single sunflower he held onto the table in front of him and closed his eyes, leaning back against the cushion. His eyes only opened when the waiter came out with his order, giving the boy a soft smile that he didn't return.

Peter sipped his tea and let the drink warm his insides. He let out a breath an grabbed the other cup, setting it down across from him. 

The steaming hot chocolate sat there for the rest of Peter's trip, slowing growing colder as time passed. 

The boy pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at the same image he had been looking at for three days now: Aspen's beautiful, laughing face with the city lights making her glow and the wind tossing her tresses around wildly. 

The corners of Peter's lips turned up ever-so-slightly as he relived those moments. 

He now had a new answer to Aspen's question; that night was his favorite memory because it was then that he realized just how in love with her he really was. 

As he replayed the events over and over in his head, his soft smile fell and tears pricked his eyes. If only he had kissed her that night. If only he had pushed aside all of the fear and doubt and just taken her in his arms and planted his lips on hers. 

He wouldn't have to imagine the feeling of her pressed so close, for he would have lived it.

But, he didn't. 

Instead, he had stopped himself from doing the one thing that he wanted to do most. He didn't know that Aspen felt the same, and he only found out when it was too late. 

Hearing  her say those three words to him should've been the greatest moment of his life. It should've shot joy through his heart and filled his body with fireworks, but instead it sucked away the last bit of happiness he had in his tired soul. 

He got to tell her how he really felt, and he got to hear her say it back, but he never got to kiss her. 

Peter let his eyes fall closed and a single tear ran down his cheek before he wiped it away and shut his phone off, stuffing it back in his pocket. 

It eventually became dark, and Peter knew that he needed to head home before Aunt May freaked out, so he stood up slowly, leaving the sunflower behind as he left. 

The boy walked down the streets with his hands tucked into his pockets tightly. He moved quickly and carefully, not looking up as he continued on.

Suddenly, a loud bang emitted from the alleyway to his left and he turned his head to the noise. In the shadows he watched as two men mugged another, shouting at him to give them his money. 

He watched as they threw punches at the helpless man, and he watched as they took his wallet. 

Peter did nothing but watch. 

Then, he tore his eyes away from the scene and walked away, not once looking back. And that was it. 

Peter Parker had lost all hope. 

☾

END